Fun & Famous
7 TYPES OF PEOPLE YOU CAN UNFRIEND FROM FACEBOOK
Facebook; either you love it or you hate it. And no, I'm not going to shorten it to FB. Why is everyone suddenly doing that, is it some sort of new collective? I'm an advocate for the platform, as in: it's a part of my daily round of digital social lives. Those rounds usually partake right around the time that my alarm rings in the morning, while I'm brewing some coffee or a shake, while I'm checking my mail, and so on. I love Facebook for the non-stop stream of information and the adorable animal videos. But some people need to be banned from my timeline. So in the category unfriending, this is my top seven:
1. Life quotes and mottos
When Stephanie from your past posts: ‘Seize the day.’ Dear Steph, that's entirely ip to me. This morning I bumped my small toe against your bedside table, tripped over my shoes and my head feels like I chugged three bottles of wine. So how about you keep that quote to yourself instead of on my timeline.
2. People from your past
Don't get me wrong, people from your past are fun creatures. But it's not like you always have extremely important things to share, right? If that were the case, then you're probably still hanging out or it's time that you do. That remaining ninety nine percent can be deleted. Believe me, the rest is all a bunch of ’the grass is always greener...’
3. The quiet stalkers
They're there, but you don't see them. The wallflower of Facebook, the ghosts of the digital world. the eyes and ears of Facebook. I can't handle these people. Post or like something every now, just do something. Otherwise you're just a stalker, and in real life people get punished for being one.
4. Personifying a baby
The kid has been brought to the world merely two hours and three minutes ago, but it's first digital steps are official. The profile picture changes and thirty-four year old Stacey suddenly looks reborn. But why Stacey, why? I understand that you're over the mood with the newest member of your family, but you're still cute too. Just share a photo of the happy family, that'll help you survive the harsh world of Facebook more than how you're playing it now.
5. Nagging and complaining
Sharing a small crack from your perfectly polished life on Facebook is alright. But people who do nothing but complain should be banned. Just make them get a simple pop-up that states: ‘The tone of your message is sour, it can't be posted onto Facebook’. Or those videos with captions that state ‘shocking’. I don't want to be shocked by your shockedness. Not in the slightest. There's only one remedy for these types of people: unfriending.
6. Mail mania
May-Britt just whispered another sort into my ear: mothers who use Facebook as a platform to write essays to their kids who are travelling around the world. Poor kids, that's a, invasion of their privacy. And not only that, it pollutes timelines. A photo of your kid on the other side of the world every now and then is fine, but if we want to know more, we'll make sure to contact them ourselves.
7. Candy Crushers
You gotta crush them all.
Written by Adeline Mans
