Fun & Famous
7 X THE BIGGEST DRESSING ROOM STRUGGLES
by Adeline Mans
The rush I get when those fabrics glide through my fingers or when I deftly weave past fellow shoppers, it's overwhelming. My partner thinks there's no structure to my route through a store, but it's actually a geographical miracle. Shopping, browsing, breaking your paycheck: I find it all equally satisfying. To celebrate my good mood or as a treat, for myself, yes. Until I veer off to the fitting room, because at that particular location, my shopping pleasure and the greatest joy can be horrifically spoiled. How? Well, like this.
1. And there was light
In a store, you want to sell, right? That's what I think. The dresses hang on gilded hangers, the lady talks you into a blouse so expensive it gives you a stomach ache, and then they shove you into the dressing room with bad, intensely destructive, and completely revealing light. Where that luxury white looks grimy gray and you see every blemish, fat, or wrinkle in a magnifying mirror. Why, dear retailers, why?
2. Gimme some space
And then you stand there in that pathetic light, and while you bend down, your bun wraps around the hanger and your backside accidentally pushes the curtain open. So you've just mooned the entire women's department of the store, where you know everyone. Look, seeing the merchandise in the store is pretty important, but witnessing it in the flesh is just a bit more important. Give us some space during those times, okay?
3. My curtain
When I pull the clothes off my body, I do that in the company of myself (or my friend). Okay, okay, that bra expert can fiddle with that strap for a bit longer, but otherwise, keep those grabby fingers off the curtain, the fabric, or the door. Yes, I want to know how that collar looks, but not when it's still tied around my head with my bra and fat in plain sight. Capiche?
So you've just mooned the entire women's department of the store, where you know everyone.
4. Hey buddy
Do you know that feeling when your size isn't your size? And I'm not talking about the denial phase, but that you've been maneuvering a stable M into the fitting room for years and suddenly it gets stuck on your hips. Really, shoot me (then maybe it will still fit). The shopping lesson: also measuring with two sizes against better judgment.
5. ‘Ooooh, how nice!’
Ready for the dressing room reveal of the year? Not everything is equally fun, not even when she shouts just as hard and high at fitting piece number five as at one. Do you know what that is? Annoying. And a lie. Statistically speaking, it's impossible, because not everything hangs just as fabulously around the limbs, so just stop it. By the way, such a person prefers to be sent out of the fitting area.
6. Hanger versus body
When a dress looks stunning on a hanger but not on you (yes, personal frustration). That's just unfair, right? And then you're head over heels with that star pattern or the ultra-soft velvet, it does absolutely nothing for your figure. Nothing sweet hugging your waist, but constricting. Such a story.
7. When it catches or frays
In all your joy, you slide your arms through the sleeves and grab the bottom of that top to pull it over your bust. And then the tag gets caught, around the sweater back into the neck. There you are, gasping for breath with your arms behind your back, hanging like a snake person to get everything back in order. Or that you're in glory with the fit, color, and you match like Romeo and Juliet, and then there's a loose thread. Literally, you get just as sad an ending as in the love story. Shopping, it's a hard knock life.
