Fun & Famous
8 TYPES YOU CAN UNFRIEND ON FACEBOOK
Facebook, you love it or hate it. And no, we’re not shortening this to FB. Why does everyone do that anyway, is that a new collective? I find it quite pleasant, as in: it’s part of my daily social rounds. And I do those rounds promptly after my alarm goes off, between my coffee and shake, when I check an email, and so on and so forth. I love Facebook for the non-stop flow of information (just like Renske) and the cute animal videos. But I do have opinions about those typical types on Facebook (I know, what you think you should report to the police). Here are the eight you can unfriend at a moment's notice.
1. Quote junkies
When Greetje from back in the day posts: ‘Seize the day.’ Dear Greet, I can decide that for myself. I stubbed my little toe against the door frame this morning, slipped on my loose clothing, and my head feels like I’ve finished a box of wine. So write that on the inside of the bathroom door and not on my timeline.
2. Mean sharers
Sharing on Facebook is done with military precision. That means you don’t just throw someone else’s nonsense onto the wall. And especially not to win something. Look, if you get to eat a round belly at a star restaurant, snag a Claes, or go to freakin’ Beyoncé, then I might even like it for you. But otherwise, nah.
3. People from the past
Don’t get me wrong, people from the past are nice creatures. But not everyone can have something particularly interesting to share, right? If that’s the case, then you still see each other or you need to see each other again. The remaining ninety-nine percent can go. Believe me, it’s all just green grass watching.
4. Silent stalkers
They are there, but you don’t see them. The wallflowers of Facebook, the ghosts of the digital world, the eyes and ears on Facebook. I can’t deal with that. Post or like now and then, but do something. Otherwise, you’re just a peeper and in real life, there are penalties for that.
5. Baby personification
The child lives for about two hours and three minutes, but the digital steps are official. The profile picture gets a change and Miep at thirty-four looks reborn. Why, dear Miep, why? I understand that you are super proud of the newest addition, but you are also such a cutie. Just share a picture of the two of you, that will increase your survival chances in Facebook land.
6. Whiners and moaners
A little grimace can come out for the perfectly sculpted life on Facebook. I know, it’s never good enough. But the enormous whiners should be banned. Just a notification saying: ‘The tone of your message is so sour, it shouldn’t be on any Facebook wall.’ Or those videos where ‘shocking’ and ‘villains’ appear in one sentence. I don’t want to be shocked by your shock. Just not. There’s only one remedy for this: unfriend.
7. Mail mania
May also has a type for you, those mothers who share entire email exchanges of their child on a world trip. Poor kids, that’s a violation of privacy. And not only that, it’s pure timeline pollution. Occasionally a photo on a high mountain is perfectly fine, but otherwise, we can follow the trip ourselves.
8. Candy Crushers
You gotta crush them all.
Written by Adeline Mans
