Fun & Famous
Getting drunk at the company party: how fun is that?
It is of course gold when your colleague is lying wide-legged on the pool table screaming ‘take me’, the receptionist dances as if she invented the moonwalk herself, and your boss is totally tooting and dangerously swaying while trying to get his zipper closed for minutes on end – but the next day an important question arises: is it wise to get drunk at a company party?
I say: no. Not wise. Never – having learned from petty damage and shame. Fortunately, my company party career has few and very manageable embarrassing moments. Generally, alcohol makes me a bit too bold and I say more stupid / blunt / non-political / open-hearted things than I would like. Note the ‘more’ in the previous sentence: I habitually blurt out things that I could have kept to myself, but without alcohol, there are more inhibitions, so fewer blurt-out accidents and definitely more nuanced comments, which means that the damage is usually manageable.
”Wáárom I had to say that I ‘yes, really love giving head’ to people who really have nothing to do with it”
With a drink in hand, everything is a bit more bombastic, so that I sometimes wake up drenched in sweat and bent over with nervous shame, wringing my hands and wondering why, wáárom I had to say that I ‘yes, really love giving head’ to people who really have nothing to do with it, nor will they ever see my beloved sucking reflex in action. Anyway, this example illustrates what happens to me more often: that the conversation turns back to sex and related matters. No wait, I phrase that incorrectly: that the conversation turns back to the topic of sex – not the act itself, in the office supply cabinet between the post-its, hole punchers, and HB pencils.
The coolest and most legendary parties naturally revolve around sex, among others, very obligingly on the copier slash printer with the black-and-white proof carelessly in the trash. Or on sob dramas around unrequited office loves. Or on the spectacle of a boss spinning like a dervish and dragging half the office furniture down with him in his subsequent fall. Laughing, roaring, of course – but rarely smart. It seems like such a good lubricant, the company party, a moment when managers and executors finally level thanks to alcohol. But should you want to level?
”It sometimes results in fantastically hilarious, sometimes embarrassing scenes for bystanders, which secretly often have a follow-up”
No, you shouldn't want that. Within most companies, there is a hierarchical structure. That structure is there for a reason – no matter how much you hate it. You can pretend to be equal and share responsibility, but ultimately it is puppet A that is held accountable for the result, not the puppets B that made it possible. Puppet A probably also earns more than the B's. But how seriously do you take A when they obstinately have been making out with a young employee from the B crew at the Friday afternoon drinks? It may make A seem more human, less ‘bossy’, but also feels less unbiased. And thus less professional. Because does the B who participated nicely in the tongue-rolling now get cooler tasks or more opportunities? Or just the opposite, to especially show that one time exchanging bodily fluids does not make a summer?
And what if B, bolstered by alcohol, says in no uncertain terms what is wrong with A? Because you have those, the nasty drinkers who after a few drinks are in a fighting mood and finally spit out their gall about grievances or the daily affairs in a wonderfully unnuanced way. Admit it: it would have been much smarter if B had calmly explained that in a business conversation during office hours. It sometimes results in fantastically hilarious, sometimes embarrassing scenes for bystanders, which secretly often have a follow-up. No covering it up. You know: what happens at the company party, doesn’t stay at the company party. Shit will take on a life of its own. And before you know it, the entire dynamic in the workplace is topsy-turvy. Good luck with the damage, then.
Written by Kalinka Hählen
