IF YOU JUST WANT TO CRY BUT STILL HAVE TO WORK. WHAT THEN?

People! You are indeed used to a bit more cheerful posts from me. But today I really have such an enormous not in my zone day that it also resonates in my pieces. Sorry. Or actually: sorry not so sorry, because we are friends in good times and bad. TELL me that we are friends in good times and bad, otherwise I will lie down on the tracks now.

Well, was that so difficult? I almost had to lie down on the tracks too! It can't get any crazier. And have you even thought for a second about how it would have been for the train driver? He will never get over that in his life. Okay, now on to the actual content of this piece. I’m going to tell you how I get through the day at the office when I actually just want to cry. In five steps. Maybe you can benefit from it too. Here it comes.

1. I order something nice

I don't care what. A slimming outfit, a fantastic book, a nice bunch of new makeup, fancy shoes, or a disgustingly expensive bracelet, as long as it's something new and beautiful. I think of it and I order it. It's that simple. On the boss's time, yes. And if the boss doesn't agree, well, then he can choose: either I sit crying behind my desk all day or I shop for a quarter of an hour until I feel a tiny bit better.

2. I give in to The Cry

Of course not at work, but in the restroom (with my makeup bag at the ready) or during a walk. Believe me, it's not a good plan to suppress The Cry all day, because The Cry is a persistent one and always knows how to break through. And not at the most convenient moments if you know what I mean. If you can't imagine this: I once burst into tears when my moody boss happily noted that I really had a nice bag. I will never forget her bewildered face when I started sniffling and hyperventilating wildly and spent weeks recovering from the image damage I suffered.

3. I get fries for lunch

‘Bad’ comfort food has been heavily criticized lately. Nowadays, you can only ‘sin’ with fries made from sweet potatoes. But then I say: how the hell can you call that fries? Look, on ‘stronger’ days I like to join in all that nonsense. Then I confidently say that sweet potato fries are just as tasty as regular fries blablablablaaaaa, but on disastrous days I go to Vleminckx in the Voetboogsteeg for a large Flemish fry with two cups of Belgian mayonnaise. And no one is allowed to taste my fries. They have to bike to Voetboogsteeg themselves. By the way, the reason I want two cups of mayo is a long story, read here but.

4. I make sure my hair looks fantastic

Because it's true: if your hair looks good. Believe me, an extensive blow-dry session works wonders for your inner vibe. Now, I'm personally not that great at blow-drying, so the next time I have a bad day (and actually even when I don't have a bad day) I will visit the Express Bar at The Building Stadionweg 84 in Amsterdam.

5. I go to bed early

Look, I can pretend to work wonders, and I admit: on high days I think that too, but actually I can't. Sorry. The best thing is to lie down in bed at eight, give in to the call of Netflix, binge-watch some series, and then just go to sleep. Tomorrow is a new day. Everything will be fine. Really.

Ps. For those who want to know what in the world is going on with me today: sweet of you to ask. If you really want to know: I am just too busy, I ‘have to’ go on vacation, I have no nice clothes, I am extremely tired, I have bags under my eyes down to my knees, I need to get my period, I want a personal assistant and a free nanny, I want children who listen to me, I can't find the time to paint my nails, I have a bouquet from Bloomon coming Thursday evening and I have to cancel it because I'm going on vacation Saturday and otherwise that ridiculously expensive bouquet will wilt, but I don't have time to cancel those flowers, I need to work out three (!) times this week because I let myself be talked into a ridiculous gym subscription AND I still have to make and send all my invoices for this month. I mean! Sorry for me!