Fun & Famous

Kiki's Expedition
Robinson babble

Week 11

A very good morning, dear Ex Robbies. Rub the sleep out of your eyes, we're going to have a good old-fashioned chat about last night's episode. About what? Whether you like sausage, yes. Because oh, this was quite a delightful hour of entertainment. Where to begin? With the battle between Jalou and JayJay of course. I thought: this is really not going to happen to me, right? That my boy Jay (yes, after Dave's exit, someone has to be my boy) gets sent home by that blonde testosterone girl. I had specially bought salty popcorn for this duel, no joke. It crunches so nicely. But actually, it was over pretty quickly. I can only say: I will never doubt a man with a big white beard who waves his scepter down from somewhere high in the clouds. Bye, ‘I'm soooo a strong player - Jalou’ Daaaahaaaaag (maybe this is finally the revenge of Ex Rob 2013. You know, that was won by judoka Edith who just a: had an incredibly annoying voice and b: called herself a ‘strong player’ 200 times in twelve episodes and still won to tears).

The challenge is one in a thousand. The candidates have to fix a ladder to climb to a smoked sausage. YES A SAUSAGE YES. That hangs from a string, which they can only touch with their mouths, not with their hands. And then try to estimate 160 grams of sausage to put on a plate. With your mouth. While you're hungry and the smoked sausage ejaculations spread through your mouth. Let's give a round of applause for the sadistic creators of this show. That shit gets more medieval by the week.

With drama queen Koosje, things are not going well on the island. Dio, Anna, Thomas, and Jessie seem to have it in for him for the next island council. And before the show becomes completely predictable, the creators come up with a twist. During the island council, votes are cast, but the slips in the urn are not shown. Only during the next island council, where voting can happen again, are all the votes from the past two episodes tallied together. The one with the most votes then still goes home. Well, you have to do something to revive the show's lifespan when Gaby and Kraantje Pappie suddenly give up.

Okay, shall we do what it's all about? I thought so.

1. First of all: who felt a bit, yes, just upset while watching this episode? Totally not knowing why until you suddenly realize during the third commercial break... FUCK, I MISS DAVE.

2. Then that Jay can act like a soft-boiled egg on loser island, but during that victory roar, the Dominator came back up again. “AAAAH. YUMMY!!! COME ON!” Friend, I could kiss you. On your bald head.

3. Anna, if that whole entrepreneur bubble of yours ever bursts, you can always go into politics. That saves you, right? To Koos's question if he's the next one hanging. “No, there's no predetermined plan that I know of. The game can still go in all directions.”

4. Jay makes the T-shirt tied on his head look quite G.I. Joe gangster hip, or is that just me?

5. Klemann, or I heard it wrong, but did you really call that ‘charming’ walking through that mud puddle? Or were you just casually walking to loser island? *Here is a place for the annoying TomTom voice: ‘At the roundabout, take the third exit. After 200 meters, the middle of nowhere is reached.’

6. This program is made possible by HEMA. With kind regards from the smoked sausage. Fuck, suddenly craving kale.

7. When I saw Koos's face, he seemed more interested in, uh, sausage.

8. And what if you're a vegetarian/vegan? Then you're really screwed, by the way.

Or not Dio? “No, I even eat my own mother here.” HERO.

9. It's possible: I found something that's even more annoying than that damn bird in the commercial break (text Arend OUT to 3030): keeping us in suspense for a whole commercial about who won the smoked sausage challenge. And then this nerve-wracker went hard on that bucket of popcorn, I can tell you. Pfffff.
10. Oh no, wait. I know something that's even worse. The ad for Thomas Dekker's book in the commercial break. That's a joke, right, Thomas? Earth to Thomas? Hello?

11. Dio, you're the first rapper to get past episode two in Ex Rob. Do you realize that, friend? I just LOVE you, man. #Youneverwokalone

12. Next week: it's going to be fun during the eating challenge (we were secretly waiting for that, huh), Anna's mental breakdown, and me reporting for you from sunny Curaçao. See you then? Nice!