Fun & Famous

Kiki's Expedition Robinson ramblings

Week 13

A very good morning my dear Ex Robbies. I'm still typing from Dushi Curaçao on my little balcony (a real vacation lasts at least two weeks, you know) and keeping you updated on all the wacko shizzle and bombast happening on the island. Such a nice word, bombast. One more time: bombast. Okay, done.

Can you imagine that last night around half past 8 it was only half past 3 in the afternoon for me due to the time difference and I was getting messages from all sides saying: ’OMG LOOK. SICKEST EX ROB ACTION EVER!!!“ That’s frustrating as a Robinson loser, you know, when people know what’s happening before you do. But then when I could finally watch it back (don’t ask me how, I have my ways) I was also sitting there with my mouth open. THE BETRAYAL. THE BACKSTABBERS. But also: THE ACTION. I thought it couldn’t get any crazier after the mega plot where Dave was booted out. But no, even the island buddies are starting to backstab each other big time. With friends like these, who needs enemies? And that makes for some entertaining viewing, you don’t want to know. Shall we start babbling?

1. Are we sure that ‘Trust nobody’ is the slogan of ‘Who is The Mole?’ Really?

2. Staying for a weekend at the farmer Bertie Centerparc house? 275 euros. A Big Mac value meal with a McFlurry? 8.70 euros. The face of Anna and Thomas during the island council? Un-be-liev-able. Gaby's face from a few weeks ago was nothing compared to that.

3. Meanwhile, Suus is laughing her ass off. Something about where four dogs fight over a bone, the fifth one takes it away.

4. And it’s time for the funniest tweet of the week (props to Jeroen Sweres): “Thomas Dekker accusing others of backstabbing. Michael Boogerd is now choking on his coffee in front of the TV.” Me too, by the way.

5. No no Bertie, the task was to build a raft. Not a fucking cruise ship.

6. Time for a new name for the program, by the way, because nowadays it’s not about fishing, cooking, surviving on an island, and other Robinson-worthy skills anymore. It’s about who can lie the best, act, and how well you can make deals that get others voted out. I advocate for Expedition Island Rat. It covers the load better.

7. Why not an Ex Rob wildcard, by the way? They do that on Holland’s Next Top Model too, right? I don’t want to stare at the screen in vain for an hour every episode hoping that my boy Dave suddenly washes up again, flailing in Bounty packaging and all. Sounds great to me.

8. Meanwhile, Bertie is finding it quite tough on the island of the eliminated. “It’s survival.” Come on my Zeeland friend, we didn’t agree on this. Grab your Prozac. Hang in there chickie, we’re going for the finale.

9. Legendary quote of the week: “Neuh… I don’t feel like there’s another island,” says Dio. *Here’s room for a snort*

10. Something completely different. Since when do we wear jewelry (aside from that hideous immunity necklace) on the island? Suzan, where did you suddenly get that gold chain from? Had a little chat with the inhabited world?

11. Jessie, I’m going to be strict for a moment. It’s over with the goat. You seriously walk with a different person every episode. Grow some balls, honey. It needs to be said sometimes.

12. Does really no one ever wonder about Nicolette’s boobs? I mean, that ratio doesn’t make any sense, right? Those things are way too big for her body? Ah, married to a plastic surgeon. No, okay. Exactly.

13. I think Bertie is quite content with Jay. He has produced enough gas with his big bang to make the rest of the Expedition fire up quickly. Or as Bertie says: “Wow, that broke the sound barrier.” HAHA. Just like a married couple on that island of the eliminated.

14. Hmm, I’m a bit in conclave with myself. On one hand, I really think Dio is a boss and has played the game masterfully again (“I’m on fire”), on the other hand, mwah, sneakiness doesn’t look that sexy on him.

15. Did you all scream at the screen: “ANNA HAVE YOU GONE CRAZY DON’T USE THAT IMMUNITY UNNECESSARILY!!” I mean, you’re not seriously going to AGREE to throw away your practical ticket to the (half) finale? DAFACK?

16. And finally, a little about that challenge. Tennis moaners Venus and Serena Williams were nothing compared to that, you know. So the joe. Close your eyes during that challenge and you’ll think you’ve landed in a real gorilla orgy.

Oh and, next week the babbles will be online a bit later than you’re used to from me, but hey, I’m trapped in a plane for ten hours on my way back to our kale country. But as soon as I land, I’ll watch it back immediately. Promise. Oh and, since you probably saw the episode next week before I did: if you come across anything, you can always email me at kiki@amayine.com. We’ll write a bit together. I’m diving back into the pool, bye!