Fun & Famous

Kiki's Expedition Robinson ramblings

Week 15

A very good morning, dear Ex Robbies. Time for some sentimental rambling. I look at the title of this piece and think: fifteen weeks already. Over three months. Just a quarter of a year. We've been glued to the screen as ER fans for longer than a quarter of a year, watching twelve celebrities experiencing the most wacko stuff isolated on an island. And next week it’s all over, finito e basta. The thought almost makes me a little teary. But before that happens, we’re of course going to chat extensively about this episode, you know me. What a semi-final this was, good lordie lord.

The semi-final challenge. I won’t even try to explain it technically, because I really wouldn’t understand a thing if I were standing on that island. ‘Just’ untie a knot. Something with rings and pulling threads tight over a board. Then like an idiot, go looking for some trees with a map to find a dagger. And that while I am Geographically Challenged (a Seriously Serious Condition, not kidding). It would be downright embarrassing. Luckily, it was for some Expedition members too, so I don’t have to feel like the only dodo. I think Thomas and Anna are still waking up sweating at night thinking: AAAARRGH ROPE PUZZLE @#$%. And that poor traumatic Suus must have ripped off all the locks from her suitcase in frustration and set all the TomToms in her neighborhood on fire. No really, things were going great with the expedition members. Actually, the only one who was old-fashioned flourishing in the challenge was Bertie. My farmer bestie Bertie. Gotta love her. Shall we sing in unison again? ’Bertie is a boss oleee oleeeee…..“

Well, for the second to last time, all my brain farts lined up for you. This time a whopping thirteen.

1. Seriously. Were you also shooting carrots during the challenge of Thomas and Jessie? There could be a fucking advertising bird three times between the first ball thrown. GODSKANONNE.

2. And, did we all think for a moment: HUUUUU Jessie is 21?! We had forgotten that for thirteen episodes. But aaaah, now it all makes sense.

3. Another thing: did your heart also twitch with love at this Bertie quote? “Jay should have been here.” Aaaaaaawh.

4. The biggest highlight of this season: a wild farmer who gets a sip of seawater dirt and plows through the water like a terminator, leaving everyone in the dust and going to the final. BERTIEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! That woman is just a hero again, guys. I’m spontaneously becoming a lesbian.

5. Oh no, bullshit, new highlight of this season. Bertie's quote: “DAGGER. NAAAISSSS. GAS ON THAT LOLLIPOP.”

6. This disaster tourist secretly quite enjoys that Dio and ‘Tho’ (if Anna says it, I can too) still have their own battle to fight during the final. Right, Dio? Shall we just call it Expedition Ratjeson this season? No worries, keep it up, dude.

7. And a hard shoutout to Suus. It went like this. I thought you were meh, and then I suddenly gained quite a bit of respect for you. Not whining about sand grains, not whining about the rain, just holding your ground as the very last one from the we’re-all-getting-kicked-out camp. And you got a good tight butt, that should be said too. Well done!

8. By the way, if I were to go on vacation to South France and still look for a map reader, Suus, then eh, I’ll scroll through when I come across your name on my phone, you get that, right? Talking to yourself and cursing during the challenge I found hilarious again.

9. That awkward moment when Bertie comes sailing in with that delightful Zeeland grin and almost doesn’t have to introduce herself to Suus again. And then to Dio. To whom not actually? BRILLIANT.

10. By the way, I genuinely love Twitter during these kinds of shows. Just saw something very on point pass by (all credits to @mpoppeliers): “Bertie looks around this island and thinks: “What have those losers been up to all this time?! Where is the hut?” HAHA. So that.

11. Anna friend, you came, you saw, you conquered. It wasn’t meant to be until that final, but you and the long-socks church did it beautifully. #BeProud. #Happysocks.

12. Shall we start a new column? Called Bertie's Farmer Babble? Can you immediately explain to us what the hell that Hosternokke is that’s on your blue cap? Seriously Bert, talk to me.

13. Speaking of that Hosternokke cap: a little rascal is now driving to Zeeland at night, miraculously confiscating that cap and putting it on Marktplaats. I’m telling you: gold money, friend.

14. Okay okay, I’ll look it up. Here it comes: Hosternokke (gosternokke or gostermokke are also allowed) is a Zeeland bastard curse or exclamation of amazement or great respect. ‘Hosternokke, you’re going!’ It is often seen as a typical Zeeland word. It ended up in fifth place in the election of the most beautiful Zeeland word. Halfway through that election, it was still in first place. Do you also find it sick that you can suddenly apparently speak Zeeland?

Next week: the big reveal of Robinson 2016. Will it be Dio, the man who fooled all his buddies and was outright smarter than everyone this season, Thomas, who reached the final through a democratic deal (+ a little bit of dictator practices), or that down-to-earth farmer from Zeeland, whom about 90 percent of the Dutch are hoping for? Oh man. CAN'T WAIT!