Fun & Famous

BERTIE'S Expedition Robinson ramblings

Week 9

A very good morning, my dear Ex Robbies. Don't hate me, don't hit me, but I haven't been able to fully catch up on the show. Here's the thing: I'm currently chilling with my butt in Greece (more on that later, duh), and you can't watch RTL XL here. THE HORROR. Terror. Panic. The divine tzatziki creators can't do anything about that, in most countries there are simply no foreign broadcasting rights available.

Well, what then? You can mess around with Skype where one of your colleagues keeps her camera aimed at her TV for an hour, cranks the sound up to a hundred, and hates her life, or you can think about a stand-in. But who do you ask? Who feels called to make the website burst at the seams with sarcastic ramblings about a show? Who is just as obsessed as I am with the show that he/she knows exactly what's going on? Maybe someone who is actually in the show? Maybe someone who has already indicated that they are a fan of our weekly Ex Rob summaries? Maybe... drumroll on the left and a whole herd of elephants and ridiculously exaggerated pan flutes from the right...

FARMER BERTIE!

I can't say it any other way, but Bertie is just a boss and Bertie deserves worldwide fame. Starting at Amayzine.com. So, are you ready? A bit of Kiki, a bit of Maggie, and especially a bit of our fantastic pop-up editor Bertie. Who, if it were up to me, would immediately start a writing career.

So here we go,  Kiki's Bertie's Expedition Robinson ramblings week 9. About these 10 points she wants to discuss in detail with you. Bertie, the stage is all yours!

1. First of all: I'm still cross-eyed from staring at the TV with one and a half eyes, half an eye on Twitter, and taking notes at the same time, respect for Kiki who does this every week! But well, you see, I'm already getting sidetracked. So that first point: the merger is a fact and the little plots are already flying around your ears again. Current score 1: Jalou is going to be voted out hard. At least we think so.

2. Jessie, that during that stretching exercise was pretty dumb to lose because of a really stupid move. And what everyone thinks, she says about herself: something with Miss Netherlands. Something with blonde. And something with box.

3. Dio, you got a bit itchy from this trial, huh? In Zeeland, we say: a’je joekte éit dan mô je krauwen. You don't do that, but you don't win either, that's Jalou, goodbye little plot number 1.

4. A new island with fresh supplies AND they are immediately going to build a roof. Look, I like that ;-).

5. Then a bit about the duel of the episode: JayJay (with poor ear infection) and Lex. That trial wasn't too difficult, right? So it's a big surprise when Lex collapses within five minutes. I was there, watched it, and thought: is this a joke?!! JayJay and the undersigned remain and that actually turns out to be quite pleasant.

6. Meanwhile, new little plots are being woven again, troublemaker Gaby (whoever fits the bikini, put it on) indicates after a good night's sleep that she wants to leave and casually reveals who is under fire: Koos and Dave. How do you best sharpen the relationships...

7. We were all on the edge of our seats during the almost fighting argument between Dave and Jalou. You too. Just admit it.

8. Also quite an emotional episode by the way. Tears from Anna about her homesickness and how that comes from her past, and Dave explaining why he doesn't want to be portrayed as a sneaky rat. The Netherlands loves that boy more by the minute.

9. This. Was. The. Most. Exciting. Island council. Ever. Gaby and Dave didn't see that coming. And neither did I. But hey, I was on a completely different island anyway.

10. By the way, do Koos and Jalou realize that half of the female Ex Rob watching Netherlands now hates them? There's almost a “wanted dead or alive” call on Twitter, but that's probably just a matter of time.

Bertie. I love you. You know that, right? Then there's just time to take the baton over a little bit, because my colleagues couldn't help but record part of the episode. First of all, I thought: NOOOOOOOO DAAAAAAVEEEEEEEE. I almost drowned myself in misery in this gigantic bath in the hotel room, but gosh, it was close. A bunch of fuckers there on that island. There was really a hard Kraantje pulled on Dave. The rest of the ramblings I'm still stuck with: a weekend stay at the Boer Bertie Centerparc house? 275 euros. A Big Mac value menu with a McFlurry? 8.70 euros. The face of Gaby thinking she's going to be voted out while Dave is the one in trouble? Priceless. Seriously, I go away once, and this happens. And oh, there are still so many questions after this episode. Is Dave my boy going to the loser island? Why do cliffhangers always come at the worst moments? Is Dio auditioning for a guest role in The Lion King as an ostrich and WHY does that guy have so much sand on his head in the last two episodes? And yikes, why does Vajayjay smell the stuff coming out of his ear?

Oh and, Gaby darling, you should have given up a week earlier. Then at least the thinnest chick on the island could eat a bit more than just one hamburger bite. #PoorChloé. SMS Chloé FOOD NOW to 3535. And Dave my boy, it will all be fine. First of all, stop comparing Jalou to a man and I think your chances of survival are great, otherwise that bear will really eat you, I fear. Then just start with a glass of wine on loser island, a cold beer afterwards, and top it off with a vodka cola. You can do that. Really.

Next week back on track from Holanda, people! And let's all sing in chorus: “Bertie is a boss oleeeee oleeeee, and Bertie is a boss oleeee oleeeee...”