Fun & Famous

Lying and little white lies for the best

How often people lie per day seems to depend on which research you read and in which year that research was conducted. After a round of Google, I come across answers ranging from two to twenty times a day. So the only thing that is certain? That we at least lie once a day. Lying, little white lies for the best; we all do it. I once reflected on myself, when did I last say something that wasn't true?

1

Last Monday, Anna Nooshin came to my house to film a video for her YouTube channel. It was about shoes. By the way, she visited three different people to talk about their shoe collection. Super cozy, of course. So there we were, her, a cameraman, and me, chatting about heels this and boots that. Whether I could put together a few outfits with a certain pair. Um, yeah no, of course not. Anna, the sweetheart that she is, kept neatly putting the pants back in my closet – where my lovely cat Disco had just spent the night. She does that, it's terrible, but I don't have any doors for my closet. Anyway, there was some cat hair lying around. Quite embarrassing. Quite gross. Not okay. “Um yeah no, I had a closet door made that is coming soon,” I mumbled. Now I am absolutely planning to do that, I just, uh, haven't gotten around to it yet. As in: I'm too lazy to take action and so now I stand every morning with a lint roller cleaning my clothes.

2

I went out to eat with a friend and she suggested doing it at her place. But for several reasons that are not important right now, I always feel very uncomfortable in her house, so I asked if it could be at mine. That was inconvenient for her with work, but I knew I would bike home feeling miserable after an evening in her house. So I made up that I couldn't leave my house because something was going to be delivered. “In the evening?” she asked rightly. I said it was a special express delivery and she agreed. Only when we hung up did I realize how awkward that was, because how on earth was I going to fake that a package was being delivered? So I seriously pretended during the main course that I was sending a very angry email to the ‘company’ about where the hell my package was. God I suck as a person.

3

Recently I ran into an old flame. Nothing wrong with that, except that it was around 2:00 PM and I was wandering around the Hema without showering and looking pretty rough in search of hangover food. He is such a successful person and is currently dating an even more successful lady who works as a model (I hate it when my exes suddenly start dating fucking models after me) and I felt like a huge loser who hadn't made any progress in her life compared to 6 years ago when I was with him. “Yeah no oh phew, I worked the whole night, because I'm working on an incredibly big and exciting project,” I heard myself say. I don't think he believed a word of it.

4

Ready for a moment of metalying? One of the above stories is not true. You may guess which one. Gnagna.