Sexy Friday
The 7 biggest sex turn-offs
Anyone who thinks that only men talk about sex should go stand in the corner for a moment. Give women a free evening, something with a bottle of wine, and the floodgates will open pretty quickly. Just like here at the office. Recently, I was discussing total turn-offs during sex and horror sex partners with a few colleagues. Colleague X started talking about her ex who literally filled the whole room in two minutes. Not exactly, uh, less desirable. One story after another flew across the table, and suddenly I thought: hey! That's how my Sexy Friday at this table is going to be put together. Start writing!
Behold the biggest turn-offs and creepy types during sex:
The sprayer
As my colleague already said. “But also really without warning immediately, IMMEDIATELY coming. In and out. Preferably still over tits or face. Not once, but really ALWAYS.” You understand: that relationship didn't last long.
The mirror fanatic
Gives a bit of a tacky Rambo the Raw-Dude feeling. Even if he has a mirror next to his bed instead of above it and wants to look in it time and again while you two are going up and down like rabbits, it's a bit scary.
The nipple puller
We take another sip of wine, and that other colleague suddenly screams: “OOOOH, men who pull on your nipple as if you’re a COW that needs to be milked!!” Nope, we don’t find that sexy.
The awkward penis
Sounds pretty mean, huh? But one of us once dated a guy who had a hockey stick. If you’re wondering what that is, let’s just say it’s very long and thin and especially a bit crooked. You really don’t want a relationship with a hockey stick.
And a good all-time classic: the pipe pusher
We’ve all probably had this at some point. I have the feeling this was cooler back in the day than it is now, by the way. Or maybe I finally found the right partner, that could be it too. Anyway, the pipe pusher thinks it’s a nice idea to hold your head during your blowjob and lightly push to indicate some sort of rhythm. The horror. Very gag-inducing, by the way, this joke.
The bad name giver
One of my friends hooked up with a guy who named his genitals Henk. Henkie Spermatankie. That really gave her a dry vagina spontaneously. I get it. Well, pet names. Sergeant Major, Charles the Great, Long John, Rampetamper, Big Daddy, pleasure stick, the third leg, tampeloeres, fuck stick, pieleman, Alfred Jodokus Kwakje (‘he comes a drop later’); whatever you want to call it, just brrr. BRRRRR.
The porn fanatic with the weird requests
A little excitement between the sheets is something we all want, but the moment he wants to stick the king in your butt because he saw that in a porn movie, it’s very quickly time to grab your stuff and run.
God, what a person goes through in a lifetime.
