Happy & Healthy

Suddenly I am the fattest

In my life, I was always the smallest, the youngest, and usually one of the thinnest in the group. I am still small and will always remain so because it only gets worse. Thank God I am still the youngest in the area where I live (tip: surround yourself with people who are older than you as you get older. My neighbor called me ‘a kid’ when I told him I was turning forty.), but otherwise, I am everywhere ‘you’ and ‘madam’ a.k.a. ancient and almost elderly.

I can live with that. But now the third point. Thin. I am blessed with a reasonably active metabolism, lived 12 kilometers from school as a child, and smoked from my twenties as if I got a bonus for every pack I consumed. And oh yes, I also danced about twelve hours a week.. Add these ingredients together and you get a reasonably ‘petite’ appearance.

I don't know what I did right in my life to deserve this, but even when I stopped dancing, smoking, and cycling, I still fit into that size 36. Just like my best friend A, by the way. She's also that type.

But life is still unfair (or fair, it just depends on how you look at it), because the slim tide has turned. Suddenly, I have to jump in the air before those jeans fit well around my legs, and I hang onto the high cabinet in the bathroom while standing on the scale just to see a number that made me a little happy.

”Suddenly, I have to jump in the air before those jeans fit well around my legs”

Best friend A (Indonesian and thus really slim and small) texted me recently in a state of panic. “Boks (that's what she calls me, don't ask further), it's getting out of hand. I saw a photo of myself and now understand what they mean by a waist problem.” She had stood next to the heaviest man in the group, but that shouldn't have mattered. To convince me it was a serious matter, she sent me the photo. Now she was in a pose that was not flattering at all, but indeed, I also saw a slightly rounder version of my otherwise stunning bestie. Then followed texts about ‘having to get to work’ and ‘it's not all that fun’ and she texted me some target weights.

I was secretly overjoyed with this situation because everyone around me is getting thinner by the day. Jet is of course Miss Happy and Healthy anyway. She doesn't bat an eye when someone walks by with a bar of Tony’s Chocolonely. Of course, she eats chocolate, but not in a gulp, swallow, gone way while typing. Like I do. My regular hairstylist Rachel, always blessed with Antillean curves, had surgery on her tonsils and lost 8 kilos in two weeks. Shopping editor Lilian has had terrible canker sores in her mouth for a month (terrible of course, because it hurts with every bite) and has also shrunk a few crucial centimeters and now even our sales director Daniëlle (who is beautiful, but always says you’ll have a heart attack if you see her naked) is going to work with NewFysic. And did I already mention Renske? She is shrinking hard after that crucial kilo. Every week I see a different person. Oh yes, and my friend F has decided to follow Fajah Lourens' diet and has lost five kilos. While she was already very slim.

You understand that I am in a state of panic. I am being overtaken left and right by friends and dear colleagues. At least, I thought they were dear. But a little consideration for me... not at all. Soon I will be the oldest and the heaviest, and there will be very little left of my holy trinity of small, slim, and young.

Is there anyone who can treat me to inflamed tonsils/canker sores/tapeworms or an old-fashioned food poisoning? Anyone? I will be eternally grateful to you.