Happy & Healthy

THE stupidest question ever

by Kalinka Hählen

I understand the communication drive of companies. And that no leaf should be left blank. And that questions about the meaning and nonsense of life are universal. And that good copy is better than bad copy.

So I can quite understand why tea manufacturer Pickwick, which by the way is adding ever more excellent tea variants to its range for which thanks and a three-word hurrah, is following in the footsteps of tea manufacturer Yogi Tea by printing little musings on the tags on tea bags. Yogi Tea has been doing this for years, spreading an Ayurvedic message in line with the brand's philosophy. I find ‘There is nothing more precious than self-trust’ a touch of a floaty open door, but the humorous ‘Please, don't feed the fears’ hangs on the notice board at home. Anyway, not everything can be a hit.

Over to Pickwick, where down-to-earth Dutch questions and Pim Pam Pet hits adorn the tags. So you can answer important things like ‘How many pairs of shoes do you have?’, ‘Would you rather be tall and fat or small and athletic?’, ‘Did you learn something new last week?’ or the key question, ‘Are you happy?’. Well, by then, team copy has come up with about 30 questions and then, understandably, the cake has gone a bit. And then the wine hits the table, I imagine. And then you squeeze out forty more questions like that.

And then comes the topping top question of the bunch: ‘If you were immortal for 1 day, what would you do?’ Well Pickwick, I would eat cakes until I dropped. Fly to Never Land. Dance until the blisters were on my feet. Orgasm until I weighed an ounce. Fucking until I saw stars. Immerse myself in a bath until the water came out my nose. Then I would jump off a mountain and let myself crash on the rocks. And I would...

Or no: I would just do what I always do. Because for brakes off, I'll pay the price tomorrow. Since your offer of immortality lasts only one measly day. And then I'll be stuck with a fat flattened body with blistered Hobbit feet, drowned brains and crumpled entrails - at least. Immortal for one day. Really?