Fun & Famous
THE FARMER'S DICTIONARY FOR DUMMIES
(In case you suddenly hook that polder boy)
“What a beautiful girl you are,’ was one of the first sentences I heard when I first arrived in the region with my boyfriend Sander. ”Eh, what?“ ”A beautiful girl.“ ”Ah, right. Thank you.“ That ”beautiful‘ sounded good, at least to me. What it meant further: you could knock me dead.
Love happens to you. That’s how it happened six years ago with Sander and me, while we were sipping cocktails in Greece. “Where do you live?” I asked him. “Oene,” he replied, “but you probably don’t know it. It’s a little village somewhere between Apeldoorn, Deventer, and Zwolle.” Oene then. I had to secretly chuckle a bit. “So, there aren’t just oenen living there!” was the first totally unfunny joke I dared to squeeze out. A month later, I was his girlfriend.
“For a city ‘girl’ like me, Oene (read: 1500 inhabitants) was quite an adjustment at first.”
A visit to the picturesque Gelderland Oene was therefore inevitable. “Aah, so here they leave all the space in the Netherlands” was my second totally not (okay, a bit) funny joke about his hometown. For a city ‘girl’ like me, Oene (read: 1500 inhabitants) was quite an adjustment at first. I didn’t understand the parties (there’s seriously an Oener ‘Koefeest’ once a year), the rituals (I found out that washing the car on Sunday is really totally not done, pretty much everything on Sunday by the way), but above all the language. That flat GEPROAT that I just didn’t understand at all at first. If I was asked anything at the local football club by a man over forty, I knew in advance that it just wasn’t going to happen. To questions like: ‘Where did you come from again?“ I cheerfully replied: ”Yes, that’s right!“, not knowing that it was a bit awkward.
“For all the women who unexpectedly hook a polder boy: speak his language.”
But by now, after six years, I can finally say: I can understand it. At least, with most people. If they don’t mumble too much, I can usually make a coherent sentence in my head. And by the way, Sander no longer lives in Oene, but in Epe (which already saves a few extra shops). My tip for all women who unexpectedly hook a polder boy: speak his language. Oh gosh no, that’s even too far for me, let me put it this way: understand his language. It saves you a lot of miscommunications. About milk cartons and doors that are ‘loose’ and so on.
Behold here: the farmer's dictionary for dummies:
1. “The milk is upset.” No, the milk isn’t screaming in panic, that would be fun, by the way, but the expiration date has simply passed.
2. “The door is loose.” Not broken or anything, the door is just open.
3. “Deerne/deerntie” A girl, lady, usually a nice ‘specimen’.
4. “That’s the smartest of all.” Has nothing to do with intelligence, folks, that’s the ‘worst’ of everything.
5. A scared person is a ‘drieterd’, now you know that too.
6. And a potato is an ‘eëpel’. Sometimes it’s that simple, folks.
Do you want to learn to write it too? Man, I’m versatile:
If something is not urgent at all: – Dah kump weh…
If a woman has gray hair: – That woman is as white as a dove
If the rain shower is almost over: – It’s still milking a bit
If your guy is quite strong: – Hey, I’ve got a pig in the sleeve (chuckles)
If you want to indicate that these are your friends: – We are mates
If you are getting married: – The blue carpet is going up
If someone is extremely (wrongly) stingy: – Stubbornly holding on to the money
If you’re talking about an annoying girl: – A skin of a girl
If you see a really beautiful baby: – What a beautiful doll
Good luck then, girls!
Written by: Kiki Düren
