Happy & Healthy
THIS IS HOW YOU BEHAVE AT AN EVENT WHERE YOU KNOW NO ONE (AND I MEAN REALLY NO ONE)
You know the type. Those days you look forward to and at the same time dread so much that you secretly hope for an acute food poisoning or that someone hits you in the side on the way, leaving you uninjured but your car a total loss, so you’re busy all day dealing with that.
But if that doesn’t happen to you, there’s nothing else to do but take five minutes to breathe into a sandwich bag and just go. Joss, for example, has a whole day tomorrow (including evening) where she knows no one. Well, she has seen Queen Máxima once (it went like this) and Neelie Kroes (same). She has seen Mark Rutte often but never in real life, so to say she’ll spend the day laughing and patting backs, no.
So therefore, at many requests but especially at Joss's request: how do you survive a day you look forward to slash dread and oh yes, where you know no one (and I mean really no one)? Seatbelts fastened, here we go.
1. Breathe in, breathe out
Remember that everyone there is a bit nervous. Yes, even Máxima. Especially Máxima. Because while you can cowardly crawl into a sauce, she has at least fourteen iPhones aimed at her and knows for sure that everyone in the room will start WhatsApping as soon as they can that they are actually prettier/uglier/fatter/thinner/older/nicer/meaner/smarter/dumber than they thought. She will definitely be reviewed. Just like Neelie. And Mark.
“For me, it always works well to tap from the Estelle jar”
I participated in De Slimste Mens a while ago and had a heart rate of 240. I told my fellow candidate Erik Smit (who ultimately won, of course) that I was extra nervous because I would be ‘that dumb fashion doll’ in case of blunders and loss. To which he said he was extremely nervous because he would be ‘that self-proclaimed smart investigative journalist’ who ‘didn't even know which countries border Belize’. Or something like that. Moral: everyone has their fears and nerves. With more success possibly more nerves because you can fall harder. So do you feel small among all those big shots? Cherish it.
2. Think of conversation topics
Think of something you can always talk about. Max Verstappen who is going to race in the Grand Prix on Sunday again (note to Joss: it will be the Grand Prix of Monaco and he is racing for Red Bull for the second time). Provide some information that others might not know (note to Joss: what's interesting is that Max has a Renault engine, although they call it a Tag Heuer engine. Quite strange because Tag Heuer basically makes watches and not engines suitable for Formula 1. How come? Do you happen to know? Last year there was a lot of fuss about the engine which made both want to part ways. But Max couldn't find another supplier and Renault improved the engine (of course) but to avoid any hassle, they don't call it that. But it is so. And he did win as the first Dutchman and youngest participant ever in the Grand Prix. With Renault).
Something like that. Or stick to your own profession. If someone says the queen is so beautiful, you can share an anecdote about a celebrity who was refused at the botox clinic because she wanted things the botox doctor couldn't agree with. For me, it always works well to tap from the Estelle jar. She has said so many funny things in life (do you know that she was at the hairdresser in England and asked if her hair could be ‘a little bit shorter’ and if the hairdresser could keep ‘the divorce in the middle’?). Try not to act smarter than you are. Keep it about yourself and make them laugh. Before you know it, you have ten people standing around you.
3. Approach people
Again, assume that many people are there alone. Walk up to someone, introduce yourself and say: “I’m here all by myself. Let me introduce myself. May I ask why you are here?” And then you chat further about what that person is looking forward to and you’ll see that they are thrilled you approached them.
“Looks a lot better than that hypocritical look-at-me-I’m-so-busy-on-my-phone”
4. Have emergency supplies
Suppose someone is looking for a tampon, iPhone charger, tissue, band-aid. You have it. Really no one will forget you.
5. Collaborate with a PR lady
Now I hope for you that there is a PR lady at your event. If so, find her and pounce on her. It’s her job to make you happy and secondly, she probably knows more than one person she would love to introduce you to.
6. Grab a book
If there’s a break, read your book. Looks a lot better than that hypocritical look-at-me-I’m-so-busy-on-my-phone and moreover, people will surely ask you what you’re reading which will lead to a conversation that lasts so long that you ultimately never read a letter during that break.
7. Have business cards
Or not. Then you can chat even longer. But it is handy to have a nice business card (or something original with your name on it) on a day when you’re going to meet a lot of interesting and engaging people.
And if it’s really tough, heavy, and lonely, just remember that this day will also pass. Really.
