Happy & Healthy
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED ON RENSKE'S FIRST WORKDAY
Lies is gone and that obviously creates an immediate gaping hole. Well, I will temporarily fill that hole until May finds a new, exceptionally attractive, ultra-smart editor with way too expensive boots. Now, that's already a dead exciting situation, but there is something else terribly wrong and that is that I have a massive cold sore today.
It's a disaster.
I mean, I'm already not as pretty as Liesbeth. But then I also have a cold sore on my first workday. Of course, I tried in the past few days to get rid of myself to get rid of the cold sore by taking lysine pills like a madman, but I think there were all sorts of dark forces at work that made sure the thing was still there this morning. Purely to annoy me, because what else is the function of a cold sore?
Okay. To give myself a boost, I thought of things that might be much worse to experience on your first workday. At first, I had a bit of a blackout, because I mean: is there anything worse than a cold sore on your first workday?! But eventually, I came up with this (by the way, you can read about May's fashion mishap on her first workday here).
1. You rip your new pants (when you bought them last week, you were planning to lose a lot of weight quickly. So you bought a pair that was too small). But now you've ripped your pants and have to go to your first meeting and of course, you didn't bring a new pair, because who takes an extra pair of pants to work and borrowing one is also not an option, you'd rather die. And you also work in a super stupid business park and there isn't even a clothing store nearby, it's basically a terrible place to work, but that's beside the point. What now? It's a disastrous situation.
2. That you find out that you should have brought your own lunch. And you didn't. And there is no cafeteria. And you work again in a super stupid business park where there isn't even a gas station within walking distance. Asking your new colleagues for a sandwich is also an absolute no-go, it would ruin your whole organized, sensible image in one go. Long story short: now you have to get through the whole day on coffee. Which is good for losing weight, but after four hours, you become super fuzzy and will probably say totally nonsensical things. Goodness, what a misery.
“And you live an hour and a half drive from your new job, so what to do? You have no idea and lock yourself in a storage room”
3. That you really, really need to poop but you don't dare, because you work in a super small office with a very polite boss and a toilet that is adjacent to the workspace. You spend the whole day weighing your options, should you go, should you not go, but what if they hear you working? Hell on earth is nothing compared to this. So you don't go and suffer incredible cramps that you have to endure all day.
4. I know a story about someone who slipped on a banana peel on his first workday and that's really true. The worst part was that no one did anything, they just left her lying on the floor, I believe because they were all incredibly mean types there.
5. You forget your laptop and that's super dumb, because you should have brought it, it's such a hip company. Only no one has an extra laptop to lend, because a bit of a hipster never carries two laptops. And you live an hour and a half drive from your new job, so what to do? You have no idea and lock yourself in a storage room.
Okay. I already feel a bit better. And give me a Facebook especially a boost with your hellish first workday anecdote.
