Happy & Healthy

What you should do if you want someone to really listen to you

It's busy, you know, at the digital village pump Twitter. People are shouting away. Same story on Facebook and Instagram, where it's a constant clamoring of opinions. And not just on social media; in real life, it's not much quieter either. Everyone ‘thinks’ all the time about everything, opinions that must be expressed loudly all the time. We just keep chattering.

Talking, chattering, and bleating. Everyone has a mother-in-law (why her again?!), girlfriend, or colleague who keeps rambling on all day about this and that, the latest news on now point and el, and what happened again when she fed the cat this morning. Or a friend who pulls the conversation towards himself with everything you say, climbs on a hobby horse, and off he goes, rambling about how he thinks the world works. I always check out automatically then; I can't really listen during such a word bombardment. Admit it, you know this: you nod yes or shake no at hopefully the right moments and feign attention by occasionally saying ‘ooh’. (By the way, this is also the tactic that men recommend to each other – didn't I even read it on a piece of paper? – when their wife wants to vent about work, annoying colleagues, and non-listening managers at the end of the day. Okeeeee...)

”You are listened to better when you speak in a normal or even slightly softer tone”

Well, talking loudly and continuously on Twitter/Instagram/booking does not attract an attentive audience. No, if you want someone to really listen to you, it's smart to be quiet. Sometimes say nothing. There is power in silence. In a conversation, you formulate better arguments if you take a moment to think about what you say, what you respond. You are listened to better when you speak in a normal or even slightly softer tone – your listeners have to make a bit more effort to hear what you say, and thus you have their full attention. And those who usually keep quiet get attention when they finally say something, because then it must be significant. Important enough to open your mouth about it in any case, and that's also good to reflect on. Because do you need to make everything you think, want, or believe public? I don't think so. Being quiet and listening isn't so crazy after all. Shall we do that again?

Written by Kalinka Hählen