Happy & Healthy

WHY COUPLES WHO ARGUE ARE HAPPIER

I came across this this week while browsing websites during my daily routine. Although I didn't read the piece further, I can imagine what it's about. Look, in the first years, you still lie in a dazed state, gaping at everything your beloved says. Even his resounding burp after the last sip of beer (or vodka-cola in our case) is still seen as yet another proof of his masculinity.

But as you get to know each other better, you sometimes encounter a little irritation. Just because you know what's coming. I've been with my beloved for over fourteen years, so we've laughed off the seven year itch twice, and my heart still does a joyful little leap when I hear him putting the key in the lock. When he comes in, that is.

But he sometimes finds me incredibly messy and disorganized, and I have my own thoughts about the way he says that to me. It goes something like this. “Another reminder from Bol.com. Why don't you pay that all at once? Now there are again twenty euros in extra costs. For something, you know.” Then I sputter back something along the lines of that it's not exactly the main prize and certainly nothing compared to his fines from recent times. Then my beloved asks why I've been ‘so grumpy lately’ and I immediately mount my hobby horse. That the worst thing you can do in an argument is to use the word ‘always’. And I always say that, which is also super annoying, of course.

Well, like that. No plates flying through the room, and a minute later we both have to laugh about it immensely. Friend J. has a very fresh relationship and melts as soon as she sees the first letter of his name somewhere, but they also have their little irritations. He thinks she talks too softly and that she needs to articulate more clearly. She thinks this is really his fault because no one else has the problem that she's hard to understand, so... And why doesn't he ever make the bed? He knows she likes that, right? Well then.

Arguing, in short, I also believe that this is a sign of a good relationship. And here's why:

1. You dare to be yourself

In the early stages of love, you swallow and puff everything away. You show the best version of yourself, and if he does something annoying for a moment, you explain it away until you find it cute. Of course, you can't keep that up. Just like with real girlfriends, it's good to be able to have a little fight with your beloved. After all, you know your foundation is solid and this really won't lead to a breakup. And once you've had a little argument, it's out, much better than when you bottle it all up.

2. You can only argue with a few people

Just as you, in principle, only have sex with your partner, he is also one of the few with whom you can enjoy a good argument. Maybe you can do that with your mother or sister, but otherwise, you just don't do it that quickly. Arguing is a friendship criterion; if you can argue, then it's real.

3. You have make-up sex

Look, no one has ever gotten worse from a little sexual healing. It would almost be a reason to argue, so you can throw each other back into the curtains afterward.

4. It's a sign that you know each other

Because you know what's coming. He takes a long time to pack his bag, he doesn't put the dishes in the dishwasher, you never open the letters from the Tax Authorities (and actually no envelope except for those containing birth announcements), so you already sigh in advance. And say something about it. And you know what? That's completely normal and actually quite funny when you look at it from a little distance.