Fun & Famous
WHY HAVING AN AFFAIR IS STUPID
We could have followed it from day one, our boss's affair. The prelude to the relationship was a shared responsibility for certain tasks, a common factor that turned out to mean much more when one day she wobbled onto the work floor like a tipsy deer on her extraordinarily high heels. Overly radiant. And a tad extra dressed up, such that it betrayed having another agenda than the office mediocrity.
We didn't have any trouble with it, fortunately. A lot of fun, though. Fortunately. The first kiss at an after-party of a company party was, of course, a juicy gossip that quickly took flight – as is often the case with gossip – and legs, and whatnot: with every retelling, yet another magical detail was added, making the story take on mythical proportions. Bread and circuses for the worker bees. Particularly entertaining were also the varying degrees of success of the just too sexy outfits with which the boss tried to seduce her one-man audience. We dissected and analyzed it. What entertainment.
It seems she had a really fun guy at home (and he had a wife). And when I thought about that, I suddenly found the whole extramarital affair intensely sad. Not because he didn't deserve it because he was nice – a stupid guy doesn't deserve for his wife to cheat either – but because I realized how hurt he would feel if it turned out why she went to work every day with so much pleasure, why she suddenly had such a zest for life. That he realized it had nothing to do with him or their life together – but everything with that other person.
“I couldn't imagine that I would only have sex with one person for the rest of my life”
I dated for a long time in circles where it was very common for men to cheat (for women, that was much less accepted, and certainly not openly) and that changes your idea about affairs and relationships. I reflected on myself and had to conclude that I couldn't imagine that I would only have sex with one person for the rest of my life – and still can't. And well, if you can't even wrap your head around that thought, a sexual escapade is quickly made, of course. Cheating – or maybe that term already complicates it and makes it ‘wrong’ – perhaps just belonged to life.
Although I can still vividly imagine that one day I will have wild sex with other men (I want to!) I have adjusted my opinion on affairs. I don't think it's cool. You might find it very empowering and bold that you consume the love and lust you desire with whom and when you want, but if you haven't agreed at home that it's a great idea, you make your steady partner or loved one at home a punching bag. It's a big middle finger to the trust bond you have – because you have to lie at some point, about where you were or about your feelings – and you make someone look bad. Usually, the rest of the world knows perfectly well that you are cheating and the one with whom you share your life knows nothing, which stirs feelings of pity or suppressed schadenfreude in others. Sad. Who wishes that upon another?
I completely understand that you can fall in love with someone else. That might just happen. But consuming that love and deceiving the other is a choice – there are quite a few stops before that first kiss, before that first time rolling around. There is plenty of time to get off and choose another route. An affair is an ego trip that revolves around the satisfaction of your needs. How bad and at what cost do you need that?
