Fun & Famous

The 17 things you think when you have to quit your iPhone involuntarily

Lately, I've been reading more and more pieces about people who are quitting their mobile phones. However, these are always people who are quitting voluntarily. And there, dear people, I have absolutely no sympathy. People who have to quit involuntarily are in a much worse situation. Just imagine: quitting totally unprepared. HOW then?
My phone screen had broken, so I had to drop off my dear device at the Genius Bar. The soul was supposed to be fixed within two hours, but due to circumstances, I could only pick up my darling at the end of the day. Well folks, that was hilarious. Here are all my thoughts in a row.

1. I haven't let people know that I'm no longer reachable! How terrible! What if people want to reach me now? What then? That would be a disaster. I need to let people know immediately that I'm not reachable. The main question is: how am I going to do that?

2. Facebook! I just need to quickly post on FB that I'm not reachable today. Quickly grab my phone – oh no.

3. No panic, no panic. Just open the laptop.

4. Open! I've now opened the laptop.

5. Tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick TICK tick tick tick tick tick TICK tick tick tick tick TICK – that's me posting a message on FB. The hard ticks are enters.

6. Done. What a lovely organized feeling. I’m back in the game. If people want to reach me, they know what to do.

7. Suppose not everyone checks FB. I can't handle the thought that there might be messages coming in from people who haven't looked at Facebook. Just the idea. All those unread messages. All those waiting people. All those unread ticks. What a horror.

8. The people who send me a message can see that I'm not reading my messages. And they can also see that I haven't been online for a long time. So if they really need me, they'll probably find other ways to reach me throughout the day, I think. And then they'll naturally end up on Facebook. And then they'll see my message, of course. And then everything will be solved.

9. Oh, I look so nice in my new vest on this ultra-cold autumn day. Luckily, there's still something nice about autumn this way. Come on, let me quickly take a photo for Insta. Grab my phone – oh no.

10. Muahahaha, hahaha, ha! Ha! – You can now hear all the laughter from Elke and Theo. They are looking at a photo in our editorial group chat. A photo that is apparently ripe for the wall of shame. One sharp reaction after another is thrown into the group chat. And me? I can't respond. I'm the only one who doesn't reply because my phone is still at the Genius Bar. Disgusting. I'm socially dead now.

11. By the way, do the employees of the App Store read my messages? On one hand, that's a rather disgusting idea, but on the other hand... If there are urgent matters, would they be smart enough to send me a message via my Facebook? Would that be part of their duties? I hope so.

12. I'm bored. Let me see what's happening on Facebook. Grab my phone – oh no.

13. Do I already have a salary? Let me check my balance on the ING Banking app. Grab my phone – oh no.

14. I need to go to the bathroom. But sitting on the toilet without a phone is really painfully boring. I think it's been a hundred years since I sat on the toilet without a phone.

15. Wait! I'm not getting any push notifications from NU.nl if something terrible happens. What a misery. Now other people have to tell me if something awful happens? Like they used to do at the village pump? My god. What a medieval situation.

16. Is the workday over yet? No?

17. Is the workday over yet? Yes? Okay, then I really need to hurry. The iPhone needs to be picked up quickly from the daycare at the Genius Bar.

18. Pedal pedal pedal pedal brake pedal pedal pedal brake – I'm now on the bike.

19. Oh, there I am! Oh hello sweetheart! Here comes mama again! Come quickly to mama. How wonderful! What an epic reunion!
Okay, I never said that last sentence and I certainly never wrote it down. I would never do such things. I think you're really making things up now. You're just coming up with complete statements for me. It can't get any crazier! Everything is being taken out of context here! I'm done!