Fun & Famous

YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT

by Maddy Stolk

What do Tom Cruise, Juliette Lewis, John Travolta, and Laura Prepon have in common? Success on the big screen, a well-filled bank account, and a holy belief in Scientology.
To each their own, you might say. But Scientology is scary. Leah Remini, the most famous defector (she once starred, in a galaxy far far away, in the series The King of Queens – when you see her face you think: oh yes, her) comes this week with a chilling docuseries Leah Remini: Scientology and the Aftermath. I sat down with tea and cookies in front of the screen. Well, in front of my laptop, but that doesn't sound as nice.

For those who haven't heard the persistent rumors: Tom Cruise held auditions for wife number three after his breakup with Nicole Kidman (ex-wife number two). Under the guise of a screen test for Mission: Impossible number whatever. The ball started rolling when Scarlett Johansson – one of the intended candidates – spilled the beans. Tom immediately jumped up and down on Oprah Winfrey's couch like a madman and declared his love for Katie Holmes, and everything was forgotten.

More or less. Because the stories keep coming back: how a potential wife ultimately had to scrub the toilets on her knees with a toothbrush because she looked at Tom the wrong way. How the wife of David Miscavige, the head of the church, has not been seen in person since 2007. What also doesn't help is a video of Tom himself, still available on YouTube, in which he describes Scientologists as the saviors of the world: ‘People out there are depending on us.’ Tom was probably off his meds that day, because as the video progresses, he starts to ramble more (‘We are the authorities of the mind’) and it goes from mildly entertaining to downright uncomfortable.

“I. Am. Not. Making. This. Up.”

Not so strange when you consider that Scientology sprang from the brain of a failed science fiction writer. Author L. Ron Hubbard made a bet in a bar during tough times: that there was more money to be made with religion than with writing novels. The rest is history. And that history goes like this:

75 trillion years ago, the dictator Xenu ruled over a Galactic Confederation. He thought his planets were quite overpopulated, so he sent the surplus frozen in ice blocks in spaceships to Earth, and dumped them there in a volcano. The aliens died an unpleasant death in that volcano and their souls ascended into the air. Xenu had machines ready to brainwash the bewildered souls. After that, he released them again on Earth, where they attached themselves to the Neanderthals who were just busy clubbing a buffalo to death and discovering fire or something like that. And that’s where all our problems come from today.

I. Am. Not. Making. This. Up.

But don't just take my word – or Leah's, a new episode next week – for it and watch the documentary Going Clear: Scientology and the Prison of Belief. Awarded three Emmy Awards and one of the most viewed documentaries on HBO ever.

Finally, in 2017, the documentary My Scientology Movie by the incomparable Louis Theroux will be released. The tea and cookies are already ready.