Everything I learned from my trip to America

I can be brief about the countryside of America: it's either totally your thing or it's not. You find Americans boastful and exaggerated or you find them social and hospitable. You either cry over the large portions or find it funny. Guess which category I belong to.

I've been back for over a week now, but secretly I'm still floating somewhere on a cloud in the USA. The country I've always said I could totally live in. I've been there four times now and each time I come home feeling like a different person. And after my road trip through Oregon (with visits to Portland, Bend, and the cowboy town Pendleton) I've learned a lot again. A lot. This, among other things:

‘Jolene’ is actually a very sad song

And I used to cheerfully sing along ‘Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Joolieeehieehieen’ as if it was a super cool country song. Never knew that it had: ‘I’m begging you please don’t take my man’ at the end. Poor Dolly Parton.

I enjoy nature too little

Guys, it's free, beautiful, and it calms you down. Without sounding too airy-fairy, I've come to appreciate Mother Earth a thousand times more because of the trip to America. The nature in Oregon is ridiculously beautiful. Rugged coastlines, green forests, towering waterfalls. Diverse, unspoiled, and still unknown to the general public.

Okay, that's enough about nature. Climbing a mountain is NOT for me

I first realized this when my outfit for a pretty tough hike was a denim skirt, T-shirt, and Stan Smith Adidas. But also when I had two panic attacks halfway up the mountain. Just don't, Kiek.

Americans have hilarious sayings

‘I feel hotter than the Fourth of July.’ Or how about: ‘Peanut butter is the glue that holds my life together.’ Brilliant. Or: ‘I can’t help thinking that she’s a few fries short of a Happy Meal.’ That's what you say about someone who's not too bright. HAHA.

The further you drive out of the city, the bigger the butts get

In Portland, everything is vegan, hip, fusion, and rabbit-proof, but the further you drive out of the city, the more everyone expands. Within three hours of driving from Portland I was having thick, fat fluffy pancakes with bacon and eggs for breakfast with a bunch of cowboys. And the women? Let's just say, considering their hip size, they really love pancakes.

The result? No matter what you do: you gain weight

Americans want to come across as hospitable, so everything is big, bigger, biggest. Especially in the countryside. Getting Coca Cola served in a sort of bucket? Fine. And you can refill, right? A fries? You get half of the Burger King factory on your plate. And you can take some home if you want. Just a skinny salad on the terrace then? Forget about it. You get a gigantic white bowl of salad that you could easily feed a whole family with. With dripping cheddar cheese on top, bacon, guacamole, fifteen other types of cheese, sour cream, butter; everything that has cream and fat in it and hey, go ahead, another fries of 1250 calories as a ‘side dish’ then. Help.

Some Americans are (sorry) very narrow-minded

I also fear that the further you drive out of the city, the more you encounter these types. Picture this: you walk into a bar and look straight at a guy wearing anti-gay slogans like ‘homosexuals are possessed by demons’ on his T-shirt. Totally normal in some rural towns. Let's just say you feel pretty smart at that moment.

We Europeans are quite skittish compared to Americans

They just spontaneously approach you. In the middle of the street, for whatever reason. For example, to ask what that weird language of yours is, maybe German? Or to shower you with compliments, they're also good at that. ‘Nice dress you have, honey.’ It's been said to me. About fifteen times in a week. I mean, you don't have to say it, right?

I stand by it: in a past life, I was an American. My heart is attached. But now, after all that traveling, I'm just taking the time to stay in the Netherlands and sweat off those three extra kilos of Kiek in the gym. Hooowdy hoooo!