Travel

F*ck my life moments when you choose a budget airline

I think I've had it about five times in total. Stuck on a barren piece of land wondering where the heck the shops are. We fall for it every time, bunch of pancakes.

And this is how your thought process roughly goes:

  1. Wow, okay okay, nice goingzzz. These tickets really save half compared to other airlines. Seriously, to Prague for 29 euros? For that price, I'll just go out to eat one time less this month. DO IT!
  2. (Fills in booking form…) Do I want to take a suitcase? Uh, yes, duh. Oh, that will be 35 euros extra please? Well, come on.
  3. Shit man, 35 euros. Otherwise, just stuff everything in a carry-on suitcase? Nah. I'll just pay extra. Bunch of wankers.
  4. Oh wait, the 25 euro airport tax is also added. And the waste disposal fee. And 12.50 euros for the pilot's lunch. 3.75 euros for condoms for general use in the toilet. This is a joke, right? People? Earth to the budget lines? Hello?
  5. *Clicks away in panic because you don't want a rental car OR insurance OR foot massage at the unicorn café with Oreo milkshake upon arrival*
  6. And the moment you've booked, you suddenly realize: how the f… am I going to get to the airport in Lutjekut at 5 in the morning? Yes, another little gift from cheap flying.
  7. No one is crazy enough to take you, so the choices are now: sleep in a hotel at the airport or take a taxi to the airport. And again your wallet cries a little harder. And so do you.
  8. Once arrived, 04:27: ‘Don't let anyone talk to me this morning. Let NO ONE talk to me.’
  9. Once through customs, you can hardly believe it. Are you serious? Do I have to wait here, on this barren, dull piece of land, for two hours? Can't I walk somewhere to the left? No? To the right then? Is this booth for real? Can't I even buy a magazine (this one for example)  ? Are there not even tourist cheese shops? What kind of punishment camp is this?
  10. You hate yourself a little extra because you're still tempted to order that one dirty shop's (yes, dirty shop, you know exactly who you are) soggy croissant + combo deal with swamp water cappuccino. For 12.75 euros. Yep.
  11. Water on the plane? Pay up, girlfriend. Need an oxygen mask? That will be 14.95 euros. Life jacket? 29.99 euros please. Sour pickled herring faces of unpaid flight attendants? Oh, but you get that for free!
  12. Once landed, you're still 30 euros down for a taxi to the center. Because of course, you landed in the most inconvenient place possible. You know, maybe you're just 100 euros down on crappy things on top of your ticket.
  13. You know it: you'll never do this again, ever.
  14. Three months later: seriously, to Valencia for 32 euros? What a bargain!! DO IT!

Sigh.