If you are the first in your group of friends to be pregnant
The 7 do's and don'ts
You are pregnant. Congratulations. And over the moon with happiness. Probably. I hope so for you, because a baby is the ultimate special thing. But, and this may be shocking, not everyone will be as euphoric as you. Especially if you are the first in a group of friends, it is important to consider them. If you want to keep them, that is. Then these are the things you better not say and do.
1. The ultrasound
Yes, I also found it very special to see a beating heart and later little kicking legs on an ultrasound. But if you are not familiar with the world of ultrasounds, it doesn't mean much to you. Or maybe even nothing at all. Or you might even find such an embryo a bit ugly. Tip: keep those ultrasound photos to yourself and only take them out of your wallet or wherever you keep them when the other person really asks for it.
2. Seventeen weeks
When asked how far along you are, it's better to answer in months. Seventeen weeks doesn't say much to the other person. Just say: four months, or: ‘almost halfway’. The other person is interested, but not so much that they want to know it down to the exact day.
3. Don't talk about yourself in the mommy form
Definitely not a good idea. You are an individual. A woman who is having a child. You are only a mom to the baby. Not to your friend.
4. Don't exclude them
Maybe there are things that only you and your partner know, but don't tell your friends that. You might as well lie and say you don't know what it will be than to say that you do know but are keeping it a secret. Your friends may already feel a bit outside the adventure, don't reinforce that. Everything (well, not everything, a lot) about giving birth I actually described here.
5. Discuss civility with peers
That you have practiced putting the Maxi-Cosi in the car, that you have already packed your escape bag, that you really had to order the stroller early... Discuss it with fresh friends from your pregnancy class, but keep in mind that your friends are not waiting for it.
6. Then the baby sleeps
When the baby is here and your friends want to meet up, don't list all the times you can't because of the baby. Then he is sleeping, then he needs his bottle, that's not a calm environment... Just say when you can and let the baby stay home once in a while. Have some quality time with your friend and it's good for you.
7. Call when the baby is sleeping
I always found that something special too. A friend with a new baby called. The child was crying in the background. I suggested hanging up (because it was unintelligible and annoying and moreover completely terrible if she then starts cooing to her child to quiet it down), but then she says it’s not necessary and it’s rude to hang up while she hears nothing of what you say and you can think of something more fun than this.
Good. You would almost say I don't have children. Just know that I undoubtedly did all the above things too. The good news is for you and your friends: it will be over again. It takes about a year or two and then you land back on earth. You will see that your friends will then be pregnant and they will do all those annoying things to you.
In the mood for more friend fun? Then read the big friend checklist.
