IK BEN GEEN DRUGS VIRGIN

After Elke's story about no drugs I wouldn't want to call myself Team Drugs, but let's say I'm not against it. Until my thirty-seventh, I had never used drugs. Aside from a few puffs from a joint that only made me feel really dazed and a sniff of cocaine that I really didn't notice, I had never felt the need to use anything. Friends kept going to house parties and festivals. I didn't understand at all what they were doing there. Drugs don't work for me, I always thought.

Then I turned thirty-seven. My bestie gave me a ticket for Valtifest, with the words: ‘And you're just going to try a little pill.’ There I was, in some crazy tent. On stage, the Memphis Maniacs were playing, who are fantastic even completely sober. I had taken a quarter. It hit hard. Suddenly, an overwhelming feeling of happiness flowed through me. I was really going crazy with joy that I was in that tent full of happy dancing people, with my best friends AND my favorite live band.

But there was more than that. Even though I had found that intense pleasure and the music that I felt down to my little toe reason enough to repeat the experience, that pill opened doors in my head and allowed me to access places I normally don't go. I gained an insight that, I dare say, changed my life. I realized that everything was okay. I was okay, the people around me were okay, everything was completely super okay and I had never felt that feeling in my life before.

I was always overly critical. Of other people, but especially of myself. Through that pill, I realized that I normally always looked at life with a particularly sharp eye. I was always thinking about what was wrong. I was always busy with what needed to be better. I never thought anything was enough. In short, I was exhausting myself and was not on a track that made me happy. I could have cried with relief that I had found an alternative.

After the first experience with that pill, I had a new frame of reference. If I slipped back into that overly critical mode, I could correct myself because I had experienced the alternative (everything is okay). In hindsight, that little pill has been the starting point of a very different life in which I am so much more relaxed.

It's not that I started doing drugs every weekend after that and now lead a very wild life. Unfortunately, pills are not exactly healthy and your body takes quite a beating. Also, the chemical hangover gets worse the more often you use drugs, because your body simply needs time to replenish your serotonin supply - which you burn through all at once. Besides, I love my ordinary daily life too much to go completely off the rails too often. I love my work and enjoy being rested and a bit clear-headed. So no worries; I am not an addict (do you remember that song by K's Choice?).

But every now and then... How nice it can be. And the strange thing is that I always come to new insights when I've taken a pill. It's not for nothing that they call it a mind-expanding substance. There are even psychologists who use MDMA for trauma processing. I understand why. You really have a broader perspective on things.

But... -and now the mother in me comes out and before you all end up foaming at the mouth on the ground- please observe a few basic rules:

1. Don't take too much and definitely not all at once. Just start with a quarter. And then take a crumb after an hour. If you're not used to XTC, this is really more than enough.

2. Drink enough. No alcohol. And also not just water. It's a very good idea to drink vitamin water or juice to keep your minerals up. Your body temperature goes up quite a bit, so you need to make sure you're getting enough fluids.

3. Always tell someone what you've taken and when.

4. Get your pills tested. There is really a lot of junk on the market. You don't want that.

5. If you have a heart condition or there are hereditary heart problems in the family, don't do it. If there are deaths due to drugs, it's usually because of that.

6. Do it at a fun party. If you're not having a good time, the drugs really won't make it any better.

7. Relax. Let it happen.

8. Make sure there are at least three months between drug use. That's how long your body needs to recover.