Survival guide: how to not give a fuck for 24 hours

I care too much. Pardon my French, but it's true. When that rude dodo overtakes me in a disrespectful way, I have an opinion about it. Not in a classy way, by the way. I feel embarrassed when someone looks at me sideways while I sneakily devour my colleague's Tony bar (because hello, it's stracciatella). I have thoughts about the endless series of cycling stages in the family app, not that I say anything. And then I saw the trick that improved my life in a second. ‘How to not give a fuck in 24 hours’. Really something for me, and here's how you do it.

 
7:00 AM
Wake up. Hit snooze seven times.

 
7:15 AM
Make an über fat toastie, with two layers of cheese. Look at the fruit and low-fat yogurt in the fridge without guilt.

 
7:30 AM
Squeeze your fat roll and put on those slightly tight pants anyway. Who cares.

 
8:30 AM
Enter the coffee room. Tell Kees how incredibly awful it is that you are on your period and missed that one-night stand you were really looking forward to.

 
10:30 AM
Take a tampon out of your bag and walk past the director's office. Wave enthusiastically at him through the window. With the hand holding the tampon.

 
12:00 PM
Write ‘just go cycling’ in the family app and leave and delete that thing. Definitely don't say sorry. Bye bye.

 
1:15 PM
Leave that hummus as it is and just eat two croquettes, without talking to your colleagues.

 
3:00 PM
Even better, just go home early and take off your bra on the way.

 
4:30 PM
Stuff your clean sports pants among the dirty laundry, then you can be sure you are really not going to the gym.

 
5:15 PM
Watch all episodes of Game of Thrones before your boyfriend gets home. Ignore his grumbling and turn the volume of the final episode up extra loud.

 
5:55 PM
Send a message that you are not coming to that circle birthday tonight, feel free not to explain.

 
6:30 PM
Pop that bottle of expensive bubbles, even though you wanted to save it for a promotion or your marriage proposal.

 
7:45 PM

Don't cook, eat pizza. Burp without saying ‘sorry’.

 
9:00 PM
Do a round of profile pictures on Facebook and ask the types who have their child as a photo if they have had a rejuvenation treatment.

 
21:30 hours
Ignore ugly comments and get blocked by the same types.

 
11:00 PM
Go to bed, confiscate all the blankets and don't set an alarm.

Source: Manrepeller