The 9 types of playground mothers

This morning I took my mother to the schoolyard. Sint came and then grandmothers and grandfathers are also welcome. It was a celebration. I think it's the sweetest moment of the year. Welcoming Sint with children on our shoulders and arm in arm with friend-mothers. A high concentration of mothers, because we are types together, you know. My mother (grandmother then) asked for a manual and since I can imagine it might come in handy, I’m sharing it: a manual for mothers on the schoolyard for dummies. Guess which group I belong to.

1. The left-handed

There are more and more of them these days, you should know. Left-handed and self-knitted. Children are just vaccinated, but the fruit is organic, untreated, and if possible soaked in moonlight. Please keep no plastic toys near these children and wrap the mobile phone in aluminum foil due to radiation. Understandable.

2. The workaholic

She really has children, but her husband does the household and she earns the money. Yes, that’s what she calls it herself. Once a month she comes to drop the kids off at school. That’s in her digital super agenda and her secretary reminds her the night before. Oh yes, the kids. She walks with a straight back and lingers extra long in the classroom so that everyone has seen her. She is here now, after all. That calls for applause. She looks at the children and their work as if it concerns the latest exhibition at the Guggenheim in Bilbao, pulls her cashmere coat tightly over her shoulders and struts on her heels towards her black lease car.

3. The how does she do it?-mother

She has four children and a dog. Bakes her own bread and if you forgot your child's lunchbox, she always has a solution in her cargo bike. She is the mother who also photographs at school events, her house is always tidy (even if you drop by spontaneously) and she is also quite pleasant. I told you: how does she do it?

4. The mess

The mother who could use tutoring from number 3. She calmly drops off her child with a chocolate milk mustache and knots in their hair. The sweaters are always faded (or does he always wear the same thing?) and sometimes the lunchbox is empty. Wrongly given. The mess is sweet, really, but she might need a vacation. Alone.

5. The overachiever

She has three children but aims for four. Although that is a side job, because the children must participate in a team sport (good for the mind), play an instrument (important, important) and alright, they can also do a sport they like. Add to that the homework moments (because your child must of course belong to the advanced group) and you easily end up with a 60-hour mother week. Luckily, there’s the phenomenon of a nanny. Can I order two?

6. The socializer

She is always swept out of the classroom by the teacher at five past eight because she is still chatting. A listening ear for everyone, knows the birthdays, inquires about your father-in-law's health and oh yes, when did your puppy come?

7. The I’ll take care of it-mother

She has a job, but she takes this on as well. Organizing catering for the Christmas dinner? No problem. Need some extra helpers? She rallies her older children and their friends. And did you hear that she is also a flight attendant alongside her other job? Respect.

8. The goody two-shoes

When she walks past your house on her way back from school, it’s your cue to get your children to put on their shoes. She is frolicking in front of the school gate even before the first bell has rung. When surprises are being made, she is sitting at the table crafting with her husband. In a state of utmost seriousness. And could you please not touch her stapler? Thank you.

9. The nicest

She has had a tough time. Sick and all. Really sick. But now she is back. She is still here. She takes everything to heart. Class mother? Sure. Decorating the classroom? Of course. She knows what is important in life. Doesn’t judge, although she’s not averse to a little gossip now and then. She is human, right? At the arrival, she sings along loudly. Arm in arm with her friend. She knows the dances and the words. And in between, they whisper to each other how nice it is that she is still here.