Travel & Hotspots

THE UNCOOL VACATION IS SOOO COOL

While I type this, I am wearing socks in my flip-flops. And to make it even worse; my flip-flops are from… Crocs. I am sitting at a kind of fake pine wood table with decent wicker chairs and on the wall hangs a not-so-successful seascape. My hair hasn't been washed in days. I say: vacation successful.

The un-cool vacation is the new trend for 2017. There is no better way to fully come to yourself. At home, you already have enough hassle around it-bags, balayage (if you don’t know what this is, you should be ashamed), ear parties, minimalist tattoos, shared dining, and god knows what else. How nice is it to leave all that behind on your vacation?

Since I have several years of experience in this brilliant concept, here are some ingredients for a successful trip:

Location: La Manga Resort, about an hour's drive below Alicante. This resort is far from hip. Expect just shy of faded glory, an electric stove, and well-meaning ‘art’ in your apartment. Furthermore: old English people driving around in golf carts or worse: mountain biking in too tight pants, but not daring to go faster than 20 kilometers per hour. A swimming pool where you, for crying out loud, have to wear a swim cap. Fake antique Spanish tiles. You get the picture. By the way, the beds are nice. Because not-cool doesn’t mean it’s uncomfortable. Quite the opposite.

Then the outfits. I have been wearing sweatpants, a cardigan, and now comes the kicker: hiking boots all week. I understand that you might need resuscitation now, but hiking boots are incredibly comfortable. And they are so handy when you are walking in the wilderness, which I do almost all day. If you think walking is more for the elderly, just call it hiking.

Hair and makeup: a hairstyle with a messy bun on your head and as for the rest: none. By the way, I forgot my Tweezerman, but since that mustache doesn’t stand out here, I’ll just leave it.

Wining and dining: in the evening there is literally nada to experience. Undoubtedly, they have a real entertainment program at La Manga in the summer (and you really don’t want to experience that), but in the winter it’s out-of-service. In the evening, I make pasta or we eat at the only restaurant that is open, the Si! Bar. In the Si! Bar, there are four enormous television screens where you can follow dart and football matches. You chew your food (think spare ribs and fish and chips) to the beat of the only CD they have: The Greatest Hits of The Bangles. And there is no one else there. No one! Our regular joke with the waiter is that we didn’t make a reservation. ‘Is that a problem?‘ we ask. ‘I am afraid so, but let me see what I can do,’ he then replies. Hilarious!

Evening activity: for after dinner, I have, and here comes a huge guilty pleasure, brought a 1000-piece puzzle. My son and I sit every evening diligently puzzling until our necks crack and one of us has to force the other to stop. Puzzling is seriously addictive. In the Netherlands, I never have the peace for it. Here, I can’t stop anymore. Other tips are: Settlers of Catan or how about a cozy knitting project?

This trend is not for everyone, I really understand that. But I advise you to just give it a try. You will be surprised how nice it is when you have no expectations of your surroundings and the surroundings have no expectations of you. And after so much relaxation, you look great back in the civilized world in your carefully mixed and matched outfit.