THE DIGITAL KISS

One on the left, three on the right-left-right, flat on the mouth or just hugging; I find kissing annoying. May does too, by the way, read our suggestions here)? I'm meanwhile scrolling through the first of the Monate like an addict through Elkes Nieuwsflix, but nothing, zip, nada. Even Netflix is acting suspicious... Quiet then. I want a sequel to my favorite and I want it now. But with a chronic shortage and the absence of rattling conversations, but just see how she deals with that juggling with those smooches. But the clumsiness doesn't stop here, because you also have kissing in cyberspace. The digital kisses.

‘Yeah, that's fine. I'll see him in the mail.‘ And then a kissing smiley just popped up behind it. To a former male colleague with whom I wasn't on kissing-smiley terms. Ooooh-eeeem-geeee. He found it just as awkward as I did, so it was brushed off with some joking. But sometimes I get hearts, kisses, and lots of love from people I don't know. And it feels a bit like being kissed flat on the nose by a stranger. Awkward. Like saying goodbye to the cashier at the Appie with a nice kiss on the cheek.

What are the digital-kiss rules? Do they even exist or are we just muddling through? That calls for a large-scale editorial investigation. And the rules in emoticon land are strict, believe me. Closing an email with ‘love’ to someone you know should be fine and is used quite a bit, but the ‘xxx’ only goes to the in-crowd. And for the kissing smiley on the app, you really have to love the person in question a lot, that one is particularly exclusive. But what do you do if someone sends you the most loving smiley on earth with full devotion? Not responding is the motto, just let it be known that you haven't landed on that base yet. Simone and Elke just send a waving figure back onto the digital highway, without hesitation. Look, I should do that too. I still feel a bit compelled to send my three xxx's, so as not to step on the sender's emoticon heart.

By the way, if you want to appeal to our single ladies here you should send the blushing-kissing-smiley-without-heart. Just so you know. That one is cool and more accepted than the one with the heart. The heart is just way too much. Elke also has a free solution for all your fresh Tinder dates or male flings, the prickly puffed-up fish is your tactic if you want to throw a man off his game. They don't know how to deal with it. I find it dry and genius at the same time.

Okay, heart-kissing-smiley-hugs and of course kisses with a waving figure.