the wedding of the year

And you probably didn't know this

I was off the radar for a bit. A person needs a vacation every now and then. But that's why I couldn't catch you up on my latest obsession: the wedding of Pippa Middleton. I'm back in the land of steaming wifi (what is it with Italy and wifi? Why do they make it so complicated there and I have to enter passwords the length of a novel?) and I've been able to line up all the facts. Because Pippa, you did not disappoint me. You were exactly how I wanted it.

1. The dress, of course the dress

Pippa wore a lace dress by British designer Giles Deacon. High-necked, short sleeves, modest and beautiful. The veil was adorned with pearls and came from Stephen Jones. The shoes she wore were by Manolo Blahnik. I simply give it a ten. Because I'm not the worst and it really was a stunning, modest dress.

2. Meghan

Yes sorry, Meghan. I was quite curious about that. What turns out? During the ceremony, Meghan Markle, Prince Harry's girlfriend, was spotted at a spa near the wedding venue. So there you go. She wasn't allowed to come. Pippa, what were you so afraid of? That she was prettier or more stylish than you? I'm so curious if Pippa will be welcome if it ever comes to a marriage between Meghan and Harry... She was later at the party though.

3. The party location

A tent just won't do anymore. It simply can't. Everything has an expiration date and that of the party tent has long since passed. It had to be a greenhouse. That was set up in the backyard of Pippa's parents, who still had a patch of grass left. Cost: 130,000 euros. Give or take. I kid you not.

4. Little George

He had a lovely tantrum and Kate had to speak to him sternly. Nothing more delightful than royal children with a bad temper every now and then. Luckily, there was the nanny. You should Google her, you've never seen anything like it. At least I hope so for you. Her name is Maria Borrallo. And that uniform. You don't have to be afraid that your husband will make a pass at her. Goodness gracious.

5. Then there's the cake

Pippa hasn't been near a calorie in the last three months and focused all her food fantasies on the cake. It cost a measly 3000 euros. One euro per calorie.