UNDERWEARFUN

What’s under your outfit is at least as polished as your visible look, right? My mother always said: “If you suddenly have to go to the hospital, you don’t want to be lying there in your old thong.” Uuuuh, true, mom. That vivid doomsday scenario pops into my head as a standard when I almost (but almost, mind you) reach for an old pair.

Your lingerie is important, but his is too. Correction, his underwear. When you unpack, you want something nice underneath. Preferably a snug pair with the elastic band in a contrasting color to the fabric. Yes, we’re not too demanding otherwise. But what turns out? Seaman Research showed that thirty-six percent of men walk around in those pants until they fall apart. THIRTY-SIX PERCENT, that’s one in three. Meine lieben. And while we get all flustered when the fabric starts to pill. That just doesn’t glide over the butt as easily.

But men, why then? Well, I can tell you on their behalf. Here it comes. About thirty-eight percent doesn’t give a damn about what’s stretching around the derrière. Another twenty-nine percent thinks that the old pair is just so comfortable. Okay, we can still agree on that last one. Even though we dutifully throw worn-out rags in the trash. But the absolute, absolute, absolute worst? Twelve percent is extremely attached to their underwear… Attached. To a pair of underwear. But seriously, how do you get attached to a pair of underwear? Hmm, well maybe he wore that one on a first, steamy date. Or… was it the last one that his mother ever bought for him before he left home? It could also just be that it’s his lucky boxer. No, no excuses, no normal.

Gentlemen, men whose boxers stretch around the butt, are you paying attention? If the underwear pills, becomes ragged, and tends to or even threatens to show holes, then you throw it away. A new one doesn’t cost a dime. And now you want to know what the other thirty-three and nineteen percent thought? Well, that first percentage is extremely lazy and doesn’t see the point in putting time into it. As punishment, you only wear grandma underwear around him. And that other nineteen percent doesn’t even notice that it’s worn out. I actually find that an even weaker excuse.