Why we fall for the man who is taken

It is completely forbidden territory: the man who is already provided with the necessary partner. And yet we find that man attractive.

In fact: fiercely attractive.

It definitely has to do with the woman and not with him. Scientific research has shown that we find men who are already taken simply more attractive and likable. This is because we value him more than his single companions. As in: we know he is relationship material and we want to nibble a bit from that. We are as simple as you think, yes.

American psychologists have studied this phenomenon and as many as 90 percent of women say they find a taken man attractive. Only 59 percent were interested in having a biscuit with exactly the same man when they heard he was ‘happy single’. What a bunch of little rascals we are.

These researchers from Oklahoma State University put it this way: we immediately think he must be nice since he already has a girlfriend. We think this even before we get to know him well. A relationship is definitely not a no-go: it’s a plus. It makes him interesting. It feels a bit like you have confirmation that he is worth investing energy in. And off you go with your flirting moves. Everything to win him over.

But then. If he decides to hit the pub with you for some naughty fun, then the sex is most likely also better than with a ‘regular’, single man. Because in life, everything that is forbidden is a lot more exciting. This causes the desire to explode between the sheets. According to psychologists, it is also sometimes the case that we fall for someone who is already in a relationship because it is a lot easier. You don’t have to feel ashamed if it goes wrong: you can just try something a bit more casual. It doesn’t feel so serious and that makes it nice and accessible.

However, there is one important condition. His girlfriend must be someone we find attractive; otherwise, we don’t see him as a catch. Logically: it all has to do with jealousy. If she is attractive and fun, then we want everything she has; the man included.

But then comes the ultimate downside. After that one hookup and his cheating , it quickly feels over for you. Because: he is not that perfect man. No, he is cheating hard. And so he is no longer relationship material, you feel guilty towards his girlfriend, and you know it will never become anything between you.

Not really worth it, actually, in hindsight. Then you might as well just look alone, look and not buy. Only in this case, mind you. Only in this case.

FACTS

• Nothing nice: we lie an average of 1 to 2 times a day.
• We are quite focused on looks. Even babies just 14 hours old prefer to look at attractive faces rather than unattractive ones.
• At least 1 in 50 children is from someone else and is raised by a man who is not the biological father.