Questions for problems

People who really know me know two things. 1: I have a kind of strange phobia of taps. I don't know why, those silly little nozzles that water comes out of just don't appeal to me, and 2: I short-circuit in my head the moment someone offers me something related to red velvet. I only got to know the red-pink pleasure cake when I was twenty-four, and since then I've been wondering if I actually lived before that time. And just now the doorbell rings. I hear myself say “Wow, thank you!” while I grab a gigantic box of cake and five red velvet chocolate bars. YES RED VELVET CHOCOLATE, you heard it right. Created by ‘Hands Off My Chocolate’ (love that name) and besides the fact that it all looks quite stylish, it is so intensely delicious that I'm just sitting here wondering if I can even have calories today. This week. One by one, all those little rounds roll straight into my mouth to end up at my backside. Colleagues, please hide those things, because this is not going well. This is going to be my death. And for all the red velvet lovers: sorry, I know summer is coming, but you really want to taste this. The bars are also topped with white chocolate. God bless the people who came up with this.