Carolien examines the latest parenting methods

Parenting has begun. When Otis looks at me with his ‘new’ naughty gaze, I know enough: he has his eye on something he secretly knows he shouldn't take. Candle holders, remote controls, glasses: nothing is safe anymore. But what is the best way to deal with this? In the meantime, I have delved into various parenting methods and there is something to say for each variant. I am very curious which variant(s) you apply in practice.

• Natural parenting, or ‘attachment parenting’. This method focuses on the development and good attachment relationship between parent and child. It is about creating trust and learning to ‘read’ your little one as well as possible, so that you can meet all their needs. You try to approach negative behavior from empathy, and this way you can guide the little one and set boundaries. Keep listening to your child, but especially pay attention to the non-verbal part, as that often says more about their needs than what they verbally express.
• Unconditional parenting: loving your child for who they are and what they do. Let them feel that you love your little one, regardless of how your child behaves. Unconsciously, we set many conditions for children (‘If you take three bites now, then you will get dessert.’). By all these conditions, you are actually saying that parental love is not a given, but must be earned through behavior that pleases the parent/makes an impression. Encourage your kids to want to do things on their own and involve them in situations or setting boundaries, so they feel autonomous and valued.
• In the Gordon method, listening to the child and clearly communicating based on equality and respect is central. Parents are often authoritarian one moment and permissive the next. Strive for communication in which respect for each other's opinions and needs is central and conflicts are resolved, so that no one feels like they are losing. You can also clearly indicate where the boundaries lie and what you do and do not accept by incorporating the ‘I-message’ ('Just draw on this paper and not on the wall, because I think that's a waste.').
• Reframing presents the challenge of not seeing difficult behavior from your child as a problem, but as an opportunity. The parent is seen as the cause, maintainer, or amplifier of the difficult behavior. This is due to the unrealistic expectations that parents have of their child, which only makes the child's problem bigger. Turn the question ‘What do you not want as an adult?’ into ‘What does the child want?’. Your little one wants to feel acknowledged, be treated as an autonomous being, and feel competent.