If you always say what you think

I will never forget the small, stuffy classroom: T18. You were sent there at my school if you had messed up. An old, strict man named Lodewijk would roar if you even breathed in the little room. The horror. When he went to the bathroom, I secretly carved my name into the wall. Why I spent almost more hours there than in class is still a mystery to me. Teachers found me ‘cheeky’. I constantly defended myself with the fact that I was just saying what I thought.

Living without a filter is sometimes really nice. Girlfriends always know what they can expect from me. Whether I think a piece of clothing is beautiful or downright hideous. When I'm happy I shout, when I'm tired I complain, when I'm panicking the people around me know it anyway, and actually everything in between too. What I eat, what I do, what I like and dislike, everything I see, smell, and feel around me is named, in the most direct way that comes to mind. If I disagree with something, I will be the first to speak up in a group. It's also expected of you, by the way, if you always say what you think. Call it impulsive babble: first talk, then think.

Give me a glass of wine and we can chat for hours about life. But talking without a filter also has a downside. People sometimes think you're bitchy. While you really don't only have negative things to say, but you're just direct. Or is directness immediately mean? I prefer to see it as honest. And with honesty, you can sometimes hurt people, but with dishonesty even more, right?

People who need to be handled with kid gloves usually aren't really in my circle of friends. Call it a natural selection. Tact is also not my strength. Sometimes I can bite my tongue after a comment. Damn Kiek, think before you just blurt everything out. Your sex life doesn't necessarily need to be discussed extensively at the office. People you've seen twice don't need to know exactly how much student debt you have? Too much information? I've never heard of that. This is just how it went, right?

And yes, maybe I'll fall flat on my face a hundred more times, tell things I shouldn't, talk when I could better be silent. But on the other hand: I wouldn't want it any other way. Long live living without a filter, girlfriends. With all the shit that comes with it.

P.S.: If you also want to know how much money is currently in my bank account, email kikiduren@live.nl.

P.P.S.: JUST KIDDING.