If your wedding fails

These are the 9 worst horror situations

When you think of getting married, you think of elegant dresses, sunshine, cheerful guests throwing rose petals at you while singing, and an overall sugary sweet day to never forget. Oh. Yes.

You don't think as quickly about arguing guests, drunken fathers-in-law, pouring rain, or broken heels. But yes, that can happen too. The big day is almost here when I will say the sweetest ‘yes’ ever to my boyfriend, with my whole body shaking from nerves. Yes, I'm saying it again, boyfriend, because soon he will be my husband. Can you imagine? I can't either. Even that makes me nervous at this moment. How do brides-to-be handle this, who two weeks in advance? One disaster scenario after another is haunting my mind.

What if I trip over that dress while walking in with my father? What if everyone gets sick from the wedding cake? What if I wake up with a pimple? What if I have the flu, a fever, nausea, chickenpox? Yes, it probably won't happen, but you never know.

Okay. Maybe it's better to talk about really terrible situations and everything that can go wrong. Then my wedding will surely be a tiny bit better.

These are the worst horror situations for your big wedding day:

You're on your period.

Yes, some are on the pill and can plan. Some have an IUD and therefore cannot plan. Just try to manage with tampons and all kinds of pads that you hopefully won't see in your dress. And one drop leaking through your wedding dress... It could happen to you.

You have an allergic reaction.

I too will just pop by the beautician two days before the wedding. Just to freshen up my face. Get everything squeezed, wiped, and massaged, and then head to the altar with a radiant face. Unless you suddenly become allergic to some product or cream your beautician uses. Then you look like a tomato. Everything itches. You feel terrible.

You sit on a red chair.

Let's say your husband loves cars, especially old ones. You rent a cute vintage car. A nice, red one, with a convertible top, with red leather seats. So great for the photos. But yes, it’s also a bit warm. And you’re sticking and sweating a bit in your white dress. And then you get out of that car. And then you notice that red leather seats can leave marks when they get a bit damp...

He is drunk.

Also quite annoying: your husband is already completely drunk an hour and a half after the ceremony. And he can barely talk to his guests. Or to you. And he doesn't even realize where he is. That he just got married. And he has to pay. In bed.

You have a cold sore.

You can't cover it up with makeup, believe us.

Your makeup smudges.

That foundation smudges a bit more than you hoped, and there goes the white neck of your pearl-white dress. Good luck trying to act cheerful with everyone.

Your photographer has an off-day.

Or your photographer calls in sick. Then you get a replacement, but no, not the one you booked for four thousand euros. And then... You look back at everything. Not a single photo is one you really love. There’s a weird haze over the group photo. They all look a bit blue, all those photos on that oh-so-cute little grassy field. The grass is blue. Your dress is blue. The sky, well, that too. And you can never, ever do it again.

You're not impressed by his outfit.

For weeks he kept secret what he wanted to wear for the wedding. You weren't allowed to approve his suit. You couldn't see the fabric color. And then he stands there... In way too short pants made of some weird shiny material. With strange socks peeking out above his loafers. With a weird little bag in his jacket. With a vague blouse in a pearly light blue color that makes him look a bit sickly. With a vest that looks like a pair of overalls. It looks outdated. It is outdated. Boring. Dull... Something for grandpas. Oops.

You need to go to the bathroom. A lot.

You have cramps and your stomach is bloated all day. Not very pleasant in that tight dress. And then it starts. It flows. And you can't lift your dress because, yes, it's too big and too mega for that. So a friend has to come with you to the toilet. And your mother. Well, eight times an hour...

No, okay, hooray: I'm looking forward to it. Bring on the day. And if I have to choose, I'd rather have a broken heel than deal with tampons. And a pearly colored suit, well, I can live with that, darling. But I don't tempt the gods. No.