Kiki’s Expeditie Pussyson Brabbels

Boys boys boys, what a loser carnival over there on the Filipinos. Hi Ex Robbesnobbers, I don't know how you all are doing, but my television heart is bleeding. What an anticlimax again. Or as Jan Versteegh brilliantly tweeted last week: ‘The only one who isn't voluntarily stepping down this season is Dennis!’ So sorry, but Expeditie Pussyson brabbels it is this week.

And now we can blame the production that does the candidate selection, but no, this, this you also don't see coming in advance. After last year's Televizierring-worthy season, we just have bad luck this year. The captains all flew out immediately, candidates are falling -ironically- like dominoes and stepping down, and Team Unknown just can't really evoke sympathy overall.

Oh and everyone who is panicking about Nicolette's one-way ticket home against Jody: this had to happen. Why do you think they give Jody the chance to step down voluntarily? Because they are of course terrified that the guy will step down a day later after a precious team member has just been voted out. That's why.

Alright, shall we? Here it comes.

1. So I got a voice memo from my sister last night. “I think that box match with Michella Kox and Amanda was even BETTER than what I just watched. I can't take this shit anymore. I'm giving up. Just vote me out.” HAHA.

2. Luckily we still have ‘Push it to the motherfucking limit’-Steven. I just love Steven. Can't that guy become a motivational speaker?

3. Time for the test: Domino Day. The idea is simple: don't hit that thing with your flabby calves, blow the racist wind towards Steven's side (dude, I just love you) and get a block in the wok pan. Loiza wins. What a boss.

4. Damn, now I want pizza. Which immediately reminds me of the good old days when your girl worked at Domino’s, this is no joke. I had such a blue apron on. And a cap. A cap.

5. Robin has meanwhile completely alienated on Winner Island and hardly speaks Dutch anymore. There. Are. Three. Oegaboega. A lot. Suddenly. Bananas. Quick. Hide.

6. I don't know, but if I were a chicken, I would poop 50 shades of brown if I saw Nienke. “Those are going to be murdered with all of them including the piglets.”

7. Dirty Dancing here we go: Cause I…. Had…. A really nice whatchamacallit… And I never grooved this way before… Do, I swear, I feel my cruuuuuis, but I'm getting problems at hoooome…

8. Oh wait. Jesus, the guy also has an eight-month pregnant wife at home. How is that possible?! I thought he was single. No idea why actually. Suddenly completely impressed.

9. Honestly: that Robin is smart. A bit of stirring things up with the women, hoping that everyone wastes votes on the other island and he arrives like King Kong with all his votes.
10. The underlying message of this week? Be like the ant. On the cheek of the salamander. Live on the edge.

11. Okay okay, backstab situations going on. When the cats are away, Greg, Steve, and Jo dance on the table. An alliance is formed with Team Unknown. And that's really advantageous for Do, Laurie, and Jan. “I don’t care. It’s a gaaaaaame. And we’re going to stab knives in backs,” says Steven. Hahaha, you understand the game well, buddy.

12. We keep thinking: Loiza is the example of a beautiful transgender. Do put on a nice top, darling, instead of that filthy cloth tied around those boobs.

13. Dennis: “Hey Steven, have you missed the ladies?”
What Steven thinks he said: yes, of course.
What he actually said: “Well... It was different. Let me put it this way...”
What we thought he said: Cause I… Had… The time of my liihiifeeee…

14. Jody gives up. The guy chooses ‘his family’. That guy had eight votes. We just watched for an hour and a half to see this happen. Fuck this shit. Oh wait, Nico says: “Expedition members, you can sit down again...” Is it going to happen now? “You don't have to vote.” Okay, I'm getting a dry vag from this.

15. An angry Twitter user: “And I won't eat that Go-Tan anymore.” HAHAHA.

16. Wait a minute. No wait, I can't see it right, what's on his head during Island Talk? Is it a bird? Is it orange? Blond in the middle, dark on the sides? Can someone send that guy back to that island very quickly?

P.S.: What we are giving away this week on my Insta @kikiduren? A night out at restaurant Het Aangebrande Zeewaterpoffertje led by chef Gregory (worth €125), performing the ’time of my life’ move naked with Steven AND a Kinki Kappers voucher to shove through the mailbox of your worst enemy (Jody darling, do you have a fight with someone?).

Also curious who will give up next week? See you then, bye!

P.P.S.: Heart at the bottom if you also cracked up about this...

“How are you doing, Jan?”

“JOOOAAAH, GOOOEEEEED.”

HAHAHAHA.