Kiki's Mollotenbrabbels: week 8

And there I sit. Completely bewildered. Like a total idiot shouting “NO, WHAT? HUUUH? THAT CAN'T BE! NOOOOO!!!’ at the square screen in my living room. Finito e basta. All my points lost in the app. This is just unbelievable, dear people. Everyone who normally acts so tough with their ’I've been saying since episode 1 that…“ is now exposed. I talk about it with friends, family, colleagues, I even eavesdrop on passersby in the supermarket discussing it. For the first time, the Netherlands doesn't know what to make of that Mole. We really don't know.

Jean-Marc was a strange guy. Loes was not to be trusted. Then we entered the Emilio tunnel. Everyone home. Stine then? What, also going home? No! Simone? OMG TOO!!! TV traumas here. Only Ruben remains. But the question is: if Ruben is the Mole, why are they already showing in the montage that all the candidates have unmasked him early in the game? That would be way too obvious, right? The creators have never done that as far as I know. So um. Who is left then? Olcay? AND THEN IT'S FINALLY JAN? WHAT A CRAPPY GAME. How painful for your ego this is. At the same time, how brilliant. Bril-JAN-t.

Okay, I’m officially losing it. Screw those points in the app, a small consolation: Who is the Mole is not really about actually finding the Mole. It’s the mystery that draws you in. The group feeling as a viewer. The millions of Mole fans who are the bosses of the Netherlands for three months a year. We chat afterwards, give each other tips, go crazy together and fly from one tunnel to another. We’re already in the semi-finals people, now it’s just about leaning back and just enjoying the ride. With a bit of after-chatter then. CAN'T be any other way. This is the most epic season ever.

1. Shit shit shit shit shit SHIIIIIIIIIT Simone is not on the left at the beginning of the episode in the group photo. Here goes this theory which of course has completely swept me away again.

2. Guys, welcome to episode 8 of ‘The Contradictory Character of Olcay G!’
Olcay: “I’m really not going to make a fool of myself.”
Two minutes later: *almost comes out of the car crawling and moonwalking*. I just love that woman.

3. That’s it, I’m driving to work tomorrow. Can someone PLEASE reenact this game with me in the parking lot? Olcay and Jan really make that James Corden smell like poop with their car-aoke. #Couplegoals.

4. Jan and Olcay together in a relationship:
A: only fighting.
B: only being silly.
C: only having sex.
D: fighting, hitting, laughing, having sex, fighting, hitting, laughing, having sex, repeat.
I vote D.

5. Genuine loud laughs when Ruben for the umpteenth time doesn’t really understand Simone’s behavior when she tries to portray Carwash. “Why are you cleaning the inside of your window?” HAHAHAHA.

6. I RIPPED YOUR PICTURE. SWEEP. ME. UP.

7. Respect for undoubtedly the most honest candidate ever:
“I didn’t have much more from Stine. I had already received all the info.”
‘In the second group, we encountered children. They sang a bit less beautifully.’
“Art. Where is my wetsuit? What do you mean karaoke? I don’t want that at all.”

8. ‘If you don’t know who it is, it’s a pleasure to watch this Mole.’ Omg, is it really Jan? Olcay?

9. The WIDM quote of 2018:
“Jan Versteegh in a wetsuit is the dream of practically every man and woman. I’m more the hairy satay skewer.” HAHAHA touché for the self-awareness, Ruubje.

10. Jan with his naughty grin and cheeky face. With his “I have havo. I need to repeat that, otherwise I just won’t remember it.”, sometimes I just want to hug you.

11. Jan: “But he did NOT say: get ready for the test and execution.”
Art: “Get ready for the test and execution.”

12. Jan. Come on dude. Are you really going to tell me that after that dive you can’t get back in the boat? And why could you read all those words from 48 meters away? And are you asking Olcay to be the Mole?

13. Somewhere I still think that Jean-Marc was once the Mole, had a total mental breakdown and that the creators then chose Jan Versteegh in blind panic...

UPDATE: THIS IS NOT A JOKE. WHILE I AM HAVING THIS PIECE READ TO COLLEAGUE ANNICK, JAN VERSTEEGH PASSES BY OUR OFFICE. By the way, he often comes by (our neighbors run a TV production company), but come on man: ISN'T THIS A SIGN? WHAT THE HELL. Art, Mister Rooijakkers, that finale is no longer needed, dude, we already know. (Just like with Simone yes...)

Current score? (We dare to try it one more time)

Intense Mole alert
Jan. Olcay. And Ruben. Okay NEVERMIND OKAY.

P.S.: Alright, little moles, will I see you here again next Monday? Heart at the bottom if you’re also totally lost and have ended up in one big mindfuck. I RIPPED YOUR PICTURE.

P.P.S.: Want more laughs about WIDM brain farts? Check my Insta Stories at @kikiduren. See ya next week!