Entertainment

Kiki's Temptation Island VIP ramblings

Episode 3

Hey, you there. Nice that you're back with us on this early morning. Almost weekend, hang in there. And you know: no weekend really starts without first talking about the most delightful, wrong TV show in the Netherlands: Terror Tempah.

Last week we saw how the couples were clearly, eh, impressed by the hungry bachelors. If you EVEN have to throw in that there can be 7 crows on your tampeloeres, then the shit is on, I'm telling you. We now know a little bit about what kind or how much cc meat we have in the tub, time to babble about episode 3. Unfortunately, no campfire yet (JERRY JERRY!), but the first single dates. So off I went last night. Armed like a nerd with a pen and notepad.

1. We start the episode with a nice uplifting... country song. Okay that's just awkward. All the stallions ready? Here we go yeeeeeha!

2. Production, can I please come work with you and come up with the titles for the episodes? Seems like a genius job. ‘Sorry mama’ I'll never forget.

3. We watch for three minutes and Ruud elaborates that he picks at his große kraaien-Schwanz in the evening to release the testosterone of the day. ’It's not wise to walk around with a loaded shotgun.“ Nice, dude. Or, eh, never mind.

4. If I were Danique, I would have already stolen five cigars at night and stuffed them in Stefano's ring muscle. #InjePunaniBitch #SoortVanDan #DieIsVoorHetNegeren.

5. As it becomes painfully clear again that men need fewer words in life.

With the girls:

Yolanthe: “After the intense day yesterday, you are going to have a very relaxed, fun day today, because you are going on a date. Do you have any idea who you want to go on a date with?”
*High female voice. “Ehhhh… I think I'm going for Vinz because he is just the calmest. I think I can have a relaxed day with him. And talk about feelings. And panty liners. And deceased guinea pigs. Blablabla…”

With the boys:
Kaj: What are you craving today?
Ruud: Code red. I'm choosing Danique.

6. As it becomes painfully clear again that men need fewer minutes in life.

Gelina: “The foreplay can last a bit longer for my liking.”

Stefano: “When you watch an action movie, I also find it very annoying to wait a long time for the action.”
People, I don't want to KNOW this. HAHAHA.

7. For convenience, let's list all the dates.

The women

  • Rosanna chooses Joël: awkward beach drawing date.
  • Gelina goes boating with the coloring page of 2018: Vinz. Yes with a Z. Only for the real gangstah peepz.
  • Amijé (I keep having to Google how to spell that name) has a hilarious horseback riding date with stallion Jay. Instead of her heart, his horse goes wild.
  • Rowena goes to dinner on the beach with Karim after his butt moves. He even becomes vegan for her. It's almost romantic.

The men

  • Niels is almost eaten by the sea by the Loch Ness Monster in a red swimsuit. Then the date moves to the couch where Fabiola's butt seems to need more fresh air.
  • Ruud makes a fool of himself and almost pees in a cave. Mrs. Code Red can only have a handkerchief on her head all day long.
  • Donny chooses ziplining with the ‘always fun’ Merel (WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THAT VOICE?).
  • Stefano chooses punani yoga with Tessa because ‘she's not ugly’. You're all set.

8. This week no giveaway, but a number of Temptation trophies to award.

The naivest remark: “She's also fortunately not so into the game.” – NIELS
The most brilliant remark: “Dancing is the vertical expression of horizontal desire.” – KARIM

The hahaha remark: “YOU'RE GETTING VERY CLOSE, YOU'RE GETTING VERY CLOSE, HE'S GETTING VERY CLOSE.”- ROWENA
The I-almost-cried remark: “Yesh I'm going to hold the horse, but NOW I'm going to get off!” – JAY

The ehm, dude?-remark: “I just had a bit of trouble with my cap, when she started acting so horny. Then I really felt it tingling. I thought: oh, I really want to fuck her.” – RUUD

More Temptation? Check my Instagram Stories at @kikiduren. See you next weeeheeek! (CAMPFIRE! CAMPFIRE!)

P.S.: And I can already tell you: prepare, it's going to be intense. Get ready for a few hardcore fireworks.

P.P.S.: We're not dozing off, are we, all together? Heart at the bottom if you've read this and don't understand why Fabiola has so much hair bye.