Sober through the holidays: here's how to do it

Every Saturday a fixed routine: one after another friend texts that she is ‘dead sick from the drinks’, ‘can't get out of bed for the life of her’ and that ‘this was really the last weekend she would do this’.

I laugh out loud, because yes, honesty compels me to say: I too sent this kind of messages for about fourteen years in a row. Every Saturday again. And now I suddenly am the epitome of sobriety. Not a single sip anymore. The last time I was drunk was this year on July 22. Yes, it's quite something that I remember that day so well. It was a scorching hot Sunday. But yes, it was also a memorable farewell. On a boat. In a short pair of jeans with a pink shirt and leopard print boots. Something with a farewell party in African style, that idea. Anyway, I'm digressing. Because that was then. Now sober living is the normal life.

I'm getting better at it week by week: at first I really missed those glasses of wine and looked enviously at tablemates who could drink. Not anymore. I don't even think about it. I'm happy with ginger tea. Honestly. Sounds a bit prim, but I think it comes from all the other physical discomforts that a quite present baby belly brings, leaving you with very little thirst. Getting through the day without afternoon naps is now more the challenge of life, so to speak. Just getting out of bed with a belly of a few kilos, that.

If you want to wake up a little less often with a heavy head and a dead bird in your throat this December month full of Christmas– and champagne fun, then especially do the following:

• Join in on the first round. So you walk in somewhere and you're asked what you want to drink. Don't immediately say: ‘No yuck, I don't want any alcohol, just water.’ Then you get strange looks and raised eyebrows thrown at you. Just join in, that first round, with that glass of good wine. By the second round, people are no longer paying attention to you and you can neatly order a soda. No one sees.
• Just a bit about that first glass: if you really don't want to drink, then still accept it and just hold it in your hands until you subtly pour it out somewhere or set it down. Hold the glass, laugh, chat, yay. No one is going to check if you take a sip.
  Bring your own bottle of alcohol-free wine and fill yourself up with it. Or alcohol-free gin, which you make a cocktail with tonic and mint and cucumber. No one will notice that you're not drinking, it looks just like the real thing.
• Make sure you stand with a full glass in your hands all evening. Then at least no one will ask you for that refill. ‘I still have some!’
• Especially chime in about how delicious that red wine is this year. Cheerfully join in with the rest about the port and the bubbles. No one realizes that you're dancing stone-cold sober. It's just how you present yourself.
• Decorate your glass of sparkling water with all sorts of accessories, like orange slices, ice cubes, and cloves. Cool glass on the side and oh, everyone thinks you're sipping a serious cocktail.
• Or make sure that you're pregnant – then no one finds it strange that you're not drinking. You have a few days left to make it happen this year, hop.