TEMPTATION ISLAND GIBBERISH

episode 8

Hey, you there. Joejoe! Up for a little Friday morning ruckus? Ready to shamelessly discuss cringeworthy television? You know, I’m always in for some drama… And I can tell you: this week we are rewarded with some gems again. The couples are well past the halfway point of their ‘vacation’ (read: kamikaze action), so you know: now the shit hits the fan. These are the episodes that will count. The only thing I thought when I saw this episode? Cherish the love, my Timmie, cherish the love. HAHAHA, that floppy-eared guy with his sausage T-shirt is seriously going to get the axe too. And that cherry pastry is now seriously eyeing the wedding ring as well. This is golden television, where did they cast these people?

Now I must say that I picked a total crap week to go skiing. Yes, I’m already past the halfway point of my ‘vacation’ (read: kamikaze action) in the French Alps, but then suddenly there was the finale of Who is the Mole? and Tim was going to do naughty things at Temptation. FUCK. How can you be free then?! Okay, I’ve made it up: I’ll arrange a suitable backup. I know there’s one colleague at Amayzine who is almost more obsessed than I am when it comes to Temptation Island. So let me introduce you to my pop-up editor Annick, who will provide you with some fresh babble. Take it away, Annick.

Okay, here we go. Time for some fresh babble, from my hand this time:

1. Temptress Inge finds it superficial that Tim isn’t into blondes. Uhh, Inge, wake-up call. Do you realize which show you’re on? No? Okay.

2. The latest slogan of this season: ‘A little bit of Durex and a little bit of Joshua and Megan’. No thanks, no thanks. Copyright is already secured.

3. Megan and Joshua immediately take it a step further and decide to move in together. Holy smackeroni, since when has this become the bad version of ‘Married at First Sight’?

4. How the hell is it possible that Fabrizio has his own tattoo parlor? Did anyone actually look closely at that design? Like really closely? Just a mess. Brrr.

5. I don’t know about you, but I suddenly have respect for the grown-up Kevin. Well, you know what they say: little boys grow up when you see your ex-girlfriend getting it on TV.

6. And Megan adds a little extra: “The last intention was to hurt him.” And then you dive into the suitcase with Joshua. No, makes sense. You get it.

7. Testosterone boy Mezdi can’t help but show off: “Then I’ll make sure he carries a physical characteristic for the rest of his life.” HAHA, OF COURSE, FRIEND. YOU WILL.

8. Don’t you think Tim is that kid who always tries to fit in with the popular boys, but everyone already knows this will never work? Exactly, yes.

9. Opening line à la Kevin: “I once cheated on my girlfriend with someone who was also named Chloé.” I don’t know how, but it works. Nice job, dude.

10. And the question that has Twitter buzzing now that we know they are a couple: how on earth can Chloé and Kevin understand each other?

11. OMG. OH MY GOD. The friend zone. Joshua puts Megan IN. THE. FUCKING. FRIEND. ZONE. This must be a Guinness Record. Britney Spears, eat your heart out with your 55 hours, Megan wins it laughing.

12. Wait, is Megan now getting footage of Joshua at the next campfire?!

13. HOLY SHIT. Incorrigible player Tim has gone completely insane. Two hours ago you were brother and sister and now suddenly he’s in love with cherry pastry Cherrie? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

14. Meanwhile, he’s pulling off the most brilliant marketing stunt of the year.

15. Time for romance in Tim’s style: “Look, ivy is a plant and it wriggles its way everywhere. I don’t understand how that ivy managed to climb through, but it’s just love that has grown.” Timmie, what are you saying now? You strange man.

16. It’s really happening. This is not a drill. I repeat: this is not a drill. There goes the Deborah condom. Around the corner. Picture frame? Closed. SHIT. IS. HAPPENING. I feel a new Durex collaboration coming.

Wow, guys. You thought it would all be rather tame, but the episodes never disappoint. At the beginning, you could hear the church bells ringing for Tim and Deborah’s wedding, that wedding ring is now very far back in the bag. This shit is brilliant.

P.S.: Kiki’s Instagram account @kikiduren also takes a week off (for jealous vacation pics from the snow you definitely have to check), but heart at the bottom if you can’t wait for Deborah’s reaction during campfire 4. And did I hear something about a big penis? Just 7 more nights to sleep. I can’t wait.

Written by: Annick van den Broek