That moment when you change your own name after 28 years
I often think about it and actually it remains difficult. I am a Heinhuis, one hundred percent, always have been. But still, when I get married, I choose my boyfriend's last name.
We're going to say ‘yes’ in May and then you think: I can still think about it calmly for a while. But as soon as you go into engagement , you already have to indicate what you as a woman do with your last name. Suddenly, I only had two seconds to decide definitively. Because going into engagement is done online, but you can't wait weeks for that. Your options as a bride? You can choose to keep your own name, completely drop your own name and take your boyfriend's last name, or take a double variant. Everyone can decide for themselves, fortunately.
Now I've made up my mind. I'm going for the double variant: first my own name and then my boyfriend's name attached. So officially, I will be called differently starting May 27. Heinhuis-Van der X. But in practice, I change nothing. I don't want to either. At work, I will still be called Heinhuis, just like on Facebook, in my email addresses, my gym, and... Actually, I don't change it anywhere. My last name belongs to me and thus also to my career, what I have established as a journalist. His name feels a bit strange. That's what he is called. Not me. Besides, you don't see it anywhere, except in your passport. When you apply for a new passport when you're married, it says: ‘Spouse of...’ Nothing more. Not even that double last name with a hyphen in between. Why do I do it then? I have one clear reason. I think it's a nice idea that I will have the same name as our children, if I ever get to be a mother. And since that desire for children exists, it's just practical thinking.
By the way, I also find the whole emancipation fuss around last names a bit outdated. I don't need his or my last name to make a point or a statement about who I am and what I stand for. I work full-time, put in more hours per week than my boyfriend, can take care of myself in life, and that doesn't matter to us. I am enough myself, enough woman, enough independent – even with his name, so to speak.
The only thing I find difficult is that I don't think it's so nice for my father. He has three daughters and thus he doesn't really pass on ‘his’ name. As the first of the three to get married, I also choose a different last name. Well, half then. Because Heinhuis remains. There will just be something extra at the back, dad. And the only one who sees that is customs at the airport.
FACTS
- Since 1995, a man can also take his wife's last name: only 0.2 percent actually does this
- 92.3 percent of children receive the father's last name, a double last name is not allowed
- De Jong and Janssen: these are the most common last names in our country
