Amayzine

The 6 things that are forbidden to say when your girlfriend is depressed

It's so hard: you feel fine, but as soon as you meet up with that one friend, everything is heavy, dark, difficult. She clearly isn't feeling well.

You want to help her and you feel her sadness. Her unhappiness. The difficult thing about depression or anything that resembles it is that you can do so little for someone else. That person has to find their way out themselves. That person has to see the sun shine again themselves. As a partner, sister, friend, or whatever, you can do very little to help with that.

But you can be there for her. Sending that spontaneous card with a little poem on it, letting her know you're proud of her. Sending a heart to show that you're thinking of her. Saying that you always have time for coffee, to talk with her and listen to her, if she wants that. As long as she has the idea that you are really there for her... That's what it's about. Still, there are certain things you better not say when you notice your friend is depressed or going through a particularly difficult phase in her life.

  • ‘It's not that bad, is it?’
  • ‘Maybe you just need to do a bit more fun things .’
  • ‘Just go take a nice long sleep, you'll probably feel better.’
  • ‘Come on sweetheart, pull yourself together. Just be strong for a bit.’
  • ‘Well, you might as well be depressed than that you...’
  • ‘Everyone has some problems. I know how you feel, because I...’

Don't make it about yourself, don't think you understand and don't think it's all just a bit of acting. It's not. Someone who can't see the point in life really doesn't get better from these kinds of silly remarks. Suffering can't be measured: you can't imagine what someone is going through and how they feel when they're alone at home in bed. Take her to a nice activity, talk to her about her feelings and let her tell you how she's doing. Don't put words in her mouth. Be a real friend, a listening ear, an amateur psychologist. That's how you help her the best and hopefully she'll feel a lot better soon.