The most embarrassing pregnancy ailments you don't know yet

Suddenly I wake up every night from something I've never experienced before. And it turns out I'm not the only one.

Because I have cramps. Terrible cramps. It seems half of pregnant women have them, exactly in the second trimester, where I am now. But sharing my pain with others doesn't help. I still can't sleep because it hurts so much. And there's so little you can do about cramps. On the other hand, I also realize: there are worse (read: more embarrassing) ailments. Here they come. And I just won't say whether I'm bothered by them or not. Let's just keep it in the middle. But not all of them, that's for sure. No worries.

• Hemorrhoids. I think that's the worst of all.
• Constipation. Don't know the word? It mainly means you can't go to the toilet anymore.
• Vaginal discharge. One of the first symptoms. And it can also be green. And cause stains. And really be so much that it looks like urine. And smell. I'm just saying. Didn't I say it would be an embarrassing list?
• Urinary incontinence. The even worse variant of the discharge. Ahhhh, okay, fun if you're not yet thirty. Great. Party.
• Bleeding gums. Charming when you're just having lunch at work and that sandwich ruins your mouth.
• Hot flashes. Fun if you're not yet thirty...
• Heartburn. Doesn't sound nice, all those burps and regurgitations. There goes your femininity. Goes well in combination with that nausea that makes you feel like you have to vomit and cry all day. At the same time.
• Swollen head. Swollen feet. Swollen everything. Fun when nothing from your beloved wardrobe fits anymore.
  Well, looking at this, those cramps in my calves don't seem so bad after all. I'll sign for it, bye.