The WC Files

My new coat is a find. One that you can live happily with for a long time, because it makes a faded shirt look chic. Until you both have to go to the bathroom, then it turns out to mess up your orderly, tidy personality quite a bit. Left flap up, right flap too, and especially don’t let that back one hang, because then you feel wetness. Just like the jumpsuit. That you sit on a strange toilet in your nakedness, with your knees exposed, because you thought it was a good idea to wear the all-in-one suit to a business meeting. Awkward. But things happen in the bathroom, embarrassing things, things we want to share with you, true stories. The names of the victims are known to the editorial staff.

On a roll

The girlfriend in question had a trendy little pair of shorts, a nice jacket, her hair in curls, and she was heading to the supermarket, which (for your information) was a ten-minute walk from her house. She felt pretty, she felt good, even when the little child in the supermarket looked at her a bit startled and with pity. But then she was tapped on the shoulder, asking if she had noticed that half a toilet roll was still dangling out of those trendy shorts, for five streets and a supermarket long? Uhm, no. Quite awkward.

A little dip

A nice flare as a sleeve, a big oversized pointed hood to make the ensemble rock, a quick trip to the bathroom and then suddenly there was a smell. The tip of the hat had triumphantly stirred in the substance of the pot. It was a number two, for those who want the details. It became a very brown pointed hat, yes.

In a bind

The lady twirled back to her date on the other side of the restaurant. In a phenomenal skirt, or so she said. A phenomenal skirt that she had just given a good swish against the toilet block in the smallest room. The blue Glorix block hooked on. On her way to her table, a woman saved her, asking if she knew about the block on her skirt. Then there was only one thing left to do, back out of the room.

A little crack

The urgency was high, she hurried towards the company toilet. The stream was, let’s call it of the firm kind and was set up so that it had plenty of room between the gap of the seat and the pot. And there lay the puddle, triumphantly on the floor. What you call: peeing next to the pot.

On a roll

Also in the category: troubles at work. Dropping the entire roll in the pot, causing the system to get somewhat clogged and the big boss waiting on the other side of the thin door, while you flush countless times to get rid of the mess. Which doesn’t work, causing you to have to reach elbow-deep into the pot to remove the obstruction. Just to flush one more time. Let’s just say the message was clear.

The snack

The man, yes, the man, had just had a steaming night with his new love. He was allowed to have breakfast at her place for the first time, so when she was still in a deep sleep, he went to the toilet for his business. The clever one. Where he thought it was a smart plan to flush halfway through, because that would surely lessen the odor. Until the toilet gave up, got clogged, the water rose to the seat, and he, indeed, was still only halfway through. It never worked out between the man and the woman.

To be continued, for sure. You can send all your anonymous toilet submissions to adeline@amayzine.com. We’d love to share them in all their glory.