The total nonsense of air mattress warnings

One of my many silly weaknesses is inflatables. Each year I buy at least ten. A little something in the spirit of ‘then we have one ready’ and an outlier (last year a three-person unicorn). Today's haul was a bouncy castle with four towers and I also remember the three-person floating raft that we donated to the sons of Jetteke van Lexmond in Saint Tropez AND always something fun that looks good in photos. But that last part, that's going to be a problem. Recently I wrote about the warnings that are attached to the edge of your underwear with all the washing instructions and warnings (do not wear near fire; okay yes, normally I always stand in the fireplace, but with these underwear I won't do that), so I can also open a book about the warnings on the air mattress. Let me go through the most bizarre ones with you.

1. Do not use if over 100 kg

First of all, if I weighed more than 100 kg, I think the chance is small that I would lounge on an air mattress all day. Secondly, I would notice myself if the thing couldn't hold me.

2. Not suitable for ages 0-14

Why can't you lie on an air mattress if you're 8? If you have your diplomas, what makes you worse than an adult?

3. Do not swim further than 1 km from the shore

What did you think? That we wanted to swim to England?

4. Do not use as rescue equipment

Seriously?

5. Do not row

Oh guys...

And then there are six icons that I totally don't understand. I think I'm not allowed to swim under it, can't read a book (oopsie) and can't swim against the current. Guys, by the time I finish reading these instructions and warnings, I will have arrived in England anyway. Or drowned. What nonsense.