All men pay attention...

We are really put off by these swim trunks

Dating in the summer is life-threatening. The chance is high that after a drink or two you end up visiting the beach together. And there, dear men, lies a tremendous turn-off danger, because a small field study at the editorial office showed that there is actually only one swimsuit that can and a whole bunch that cannot. Blue is the new black and the swimsuit is the new white sock, I might say.

1. The Speedo

Unless your name is Dries Roelvink, but otherwise leave the Speedo at home. You'd rather throw it in the fireplace and even better, you wish you had never bought it at all. And don't come with excuses like: it swims so nicely and it dries so quickly. We are not susceptible to that.

2. The big shorts

About just above your knee. Why do you do that? It's warm, sticky, you don't get a nice tan (correction: you don't get tanned at all), and if you're talking about slow drying, then you have a good example here. Main argument: it doesn't keep us warm. And while it doesn't take much to get hot in these summer temperatures, with these shorts your scoring percentage is minimal.

3. The print

Or: the Vilebrequin. Although I must note that we at the editorial office were not unanimously negative about this. For me, ‘the’ Vilebrequin is the equivalent of the red pants. And I would rather walk around that with a wide berth. A stripe is fine by me, but any other pattern I would leave to anyone under 18. You pay a fortune for it too.

4. Shorts under shorts

So you wear a swimsuit with an inner short and put on a Björn Borg underneath. You fold those two just so that you can see the logo of your under-underwear and then your swimsuit takes over. I sigh deeply. Remember, nice men, that anything that radiates effort is not sexy to us.

5. The thong

But actually, I don't think I need to mention this one. I assume that this strip of fabric is not an option for you.

So what then?

Just a normal swim short, preferably in a faded beach color. Light blue, faded red, blue-white striped is fine... Not too short, not too long, about two fists from the hip down. And you don't need to have a six-pack above it, because women fall for bellies. Oh, we are so easy.