What goes through your mind when you get a wheel clamp

‘That white car outside the door, that's yours, right?’ When someone says that to you, you have two options: A) say no, because maybe that white beauty isn't yours at all, or B) be very startled. News about your car is usually bad news. And the bad news was there. I had a wheel clamp. A wheel clamp. One of those yellow contraptions that prevents you from going anywhere. I end my first day back at work after vacation with a clamp. I get the hint, from now on I won't stay away so long. But when you're clamped, things go through your mind.

A wheel clamp? No, no, no. NO!

Do those things still exist? That's something from the nineties, when we still put lava lamps as decorative items in the living room?

My rims. MY RIMS. I see the scratches jumping from front to back. Never thought I could care so much about my rims.

Just calling that number on the flyer. By the way, there are a hell of a lot of languages on that little flyer. ‘Why has your vehicle been clamped, warum haben Sie eine Radkralle, pourquoi un sabot de Denver sur votre véhicule, perché ha un blocca-ruota, blokada na kole?’ Meine gute.

Then you expect to get a whole menu, but you just get the wheel clamp guy. He talks back and asks for your license plate, no entering anything, just clicking through menus and hold music. If I just want to check out, they'll just take that little beast off.

How much do I have to pay? Now? As in... à la minute? And just flipping through that pile of mail in my head, because hell yes I made an objection or paid things. Which one I just don't know... Merde, I'm spontaneously cursing in French because of that flyer.

Thank goodness, they're there within half an hour.

Look at that cute little white car now, with that yellow monster around the tire, as if it's eating my tires. Crying this.

How long would that little guy take, actually?

Ah, a 020 number, there you have it. Or did I call to have my car unclamped? Unclamped, is that a verb, do you talk all day about unclamping vehicles? I unclamp, you unclamp, we unclamp.

That little guy takes less than two minutes. Just pop the cap off, or maybe they call that unpopping, and off he goes.

They even take a little photo for you, to show that they really didn't cause that one spot on your rim. Nice, huh, wheel clamp guys, really nice. This little clamp is getting a sequel.

My bank account needs resuscitation. It needed it already, because I just got back from vacation. My bank account, my bank account.

So I have to spend the whole weekend doing administration, to show that I really did something, but maybe just not on time (read: paid).

But it is indeed a warm welcome, right after your vacation.