Why it is also annoying when everyone asks about your wedding
Actually, I don't fully believe it myself yet, but I'm almost going to jump into a wedding boat.
I'm getting married in May. This spring, then. With my one and only. Super exciting. And very fun, especially. We are busy choosing flowers, cakes, and place cards. We have booked an amazing location and all our loved ones will be there. It will be a weekend to never forget and I look forward to it every second of the day. But I don't need to talk about it all day long.
Even if I run into a study friend I haven't seen or spoken to in about six years, or if I'm chatting week after week with my yoga teacher: everyone asks the same thing. Time and again. Every best friend, every acquaintance, every neighbor. Every colleague, every friend of my mother, every niece and nephew of my boyfriend, every window cleaner of my boyfriend's niece and nephew. Asks. That. One. Question.
“How is the wedding going?”
Don't get me wrong, it's sweet interest and I cherish that. But I am not my wedding. For example, I also work every day, just to name something. I travel to faraway countries. I spot lions in Africa. I just lived in the US for half a year. I do yoga. And I have parents. And sisters. And friends. And cats. And no one ever asks about that. Look, what happens with such a question about the big wedding is the following. I completely stress out. All alarm bells start ringing.
How is my wedding actually going? I don't know. I watched a rerun of Gossip Girl on the couch for the fourth time last night and didn't do anything about the font of my wedding invitations, for example. Those wedding rings haven't been chosen yet. The honeymoon hasn't been arranged yet. I'm a bad bride. I'm not enjoying the anticipation to the fullest. Shouldn't I be chatting for hours every evening with my soon-to-be husband about whether we choose lavender sprigs or rose petals for the aisle of the ceremony? Shouldn't we take dance lessons for that darn first dance? And when on earth am I going to write those sickly sweet vows?
I literally break out in a sweat every time someone asks that one question. And that happens, well, quite often. Immediately I count the weeks I have left until it happens in my head. My god. Only 14 weeks left. That flies by. It's time to send out the official invitations now. I know it. I know it. But I also have that job. Those friends, those sisters and all that other stuff. How do people do this, planning a wedding and working full-time, having a full-time life? I'm a bad bride, a bad bride... Boo.
The question also makes me insecure because I feel that I, precisely because I stress out, don't appreciate it all enough. That I should actually find it super duper fun as a bride. EVERYTHING. Every little flower, every light in the party hall, every second in the script of the big day (which isn't finished yet, no, in fact: we haven't even started on it). I feel like I'm failing as a bride because I have stress. Perfect brides have no worries and have golden notebooks in which they work on their script daily. In which they rewrite their vows 18 times so that it fits perfectly. In which they write down a long list of songs that could possibly be played during the first dance. I don't do that and therefore I don't appreciate my big day enough. That's what I think. Because I am really looking forward to it. Believe me, this all comes from that one question. No matter how sweet I find it when someone asks about it.. Dat ik het als bruid juist superdepuper leuk moet vinden. ALLES. Elk bloemetje, elk lampje in de feestzaal, elke seconde in het draaiboek van de grote dag (dat ook nog niet af is, nee, sterker nog: we zijn er nog niet aan begonnen). Ik heb het gevoel dat ik juist faal als bruid, omdat ik stress heb. Perfecte bruiden hebben geen zorgen en hebben gouden notitieboekjes waarin ze dagelijks aan hun draaiboek werken. Waarin ze hun geloftes 18 keer herschrijven, zodat het perfect klopt. Waarin ze een waslijst aan nummers opschrijven die mogelijk gedraaid kunnen worden tijdens de openingsdans. Ik doe dat niet en dus waardeer ik mijn grote dag niet genoeg. Dat denk ik dan. Want ik heb er echt heel erg zin in. Geloof me, dit komt allemaal voort uit die ene vraag. Hoe lief ik het ook vind, als iemand er naar vraagt.
So if you happen to run into me soon, know that I really appreciate it if you just, like in the old days, ask how it is. You'll find out whether it's lavender or roses. And maybe I'll tell you something about those lions in Africa, if that's okay.
