And then suddenly you are a mother: 10x this is something no one tells you in advance

I cycle through the dark to home and suddenly realize that it has been a damn long time. The city seems just a bit ordinary again, just like before, when I only had to worry about myself.

Look there, that one little pub. Been there so many times. Oh here, that nice little restaurant where Billy and I like to eat together. Ha, those times have flown by. Hashtag momlife it is. And I could hardly prepare for that because actually no one ever tells you honestly how it really is, those first months.

Honestly? As a new mother, you spend quite a lot of time at home. And then you only worry about how your babies are doing. You don't worry about yourself, no. Showering can wait until tonight. Lunch is also just your breakfast. Going out to eat together we’ll do again next year. Bottles, diapers, baths, dirty clothes, spit on your own clothes, that endless laundry basket, those feedings that start at five in the morning, those twenty-eight times giving the pacifier before he finally falls asleep... Going to that pub on the corner with a friend feels like four lifetimes ago and feels like something for maybe ten years from now again. Just like walking in high heels: completely unlearned. Have kids they said, it will be fun they said. I sometimes think about that sentence, secretly.

No one tells you this before you become a mother. But you discover this yourself anyway:

1. Hangovers are the ultimate hell. Now you can handle those wines worse with the years, but hallelujah, it’s just not worth it to me anymore. That smell from the diaper bin when you can already start feeding again after five hours of napping... With sixty-four liters of rosé sloshing in your stomach. Caramba.

2. Funny when I read during my pregnancy that women kind of erased themselves when their offspring was born. No way, that won't happen to me, are you crazy. Ha. It’s just how it is. You literally don’t have the energy to get ready every day like you normally would. You’re tired. Very, very tired. And mascara is a lot of work.

3. That round baby belly does not just go away by itself. Too bad.

4.  Your breasts do not stay three cup sizes bigger. Also too bad.

5. You always feel guilty. I find this really difficult. When I drink wine with a friend on the terrace, I feel like a bad mother. If I cancel all my friends because it gets a bit too much and I want to be home with my babies, I feel like a bad friend. If I go out for a short time: friends disappointed. If I go out for a long time: husband disappointed. You feel like you’re failing everywhere.

6. The same goes for working. A day off? Fine, nice to be a mom, but yes, no bread on the table. Work that day then? Great, there’s the guilt again. How do fathers and mothers do this?

7. The longer you have children, I now have four months, the less you understand others without children. As in: how much time must they have to spare? How much freedom? How much peace, sleep, time to eat, time to get ready, time to stroll through the city, time to tackle that laundry basket? It feels like a distant, distant past. Is it jealousy? Sometimes. But then I see a smile from one of my sons and then I’m melted again and wouldn’t want life any other way. It’s worth the chronic sleep deprivation.

8. I would have liked to know this before I started everything: buy a sleeping bag. It really works. And a bottle warmer: press one button and a ready-made bottle comes out at the right temperature. That exists, yes. And you want it.

9. You suddenly see your parents a lot. Because yes, grandparents, right. You can’t get them out of your house, even if you wanted to. Oh, just nice. And it gives you some breathing space.

10. Your husband gets a bit overshadowed. All day you’re busy and it revolves around the little ones. Then you have five minutes free, you jump in the shower yourself. If you have a bit more time, you go to work. Or sleep. One moment there’s a babysitter in the house, and well, the days fly by. Then you suddenly realize that you’ve hardly talked to each other in the last three weeks. Yes, really about the weather and that diaper bin, but not about how it really is. You want some romantic time. How is he doing as a father? You have no idea. Time for a vacation, in this case.